When All Else Fails

The other day, a guy went to the dentist’s office to have a tooth pulled. 

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles”, the man said. 

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected.
“I can’t do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!”

The dentist then asks the man if he has any objection to taking a pill.

“No objection”, the man said. “I’m fine with pills”.

The dentist then returns and says, “Here’s a Viagra tablet”.

The guy, totally at a loss for words, said in amazement, “WOW, I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”

“It doesn’t”, said the dentist, “but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”

A Grandma and Her Birth Control Pills

The doctor of an 80-year-old woman had finally retired. Therefore, at the elderly lady’s next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.As the young doctor was looking through them, his eyes grew wide as he realized that the little old Grandmother had a prescription for birth control pills.

“Mrs. Smith, you do realize that these are birth control pills?””Yes, doctor. They really help me sleep at night.”

“Mrs. Smith”, he said, flabbergasted, “I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!”

The old lady reached out and patted the innocent, young doctor’s knee:

“Yes, dear. I understand. But believe me. They definitely help me sleep at night...”

“…You see, every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks!

Road Rescue

An old woman’s car got a flat tire on the interstate one day, so she eased it over onto the shoulder of the road.  

She carefully stepped out of the car and opened the trunk. She then took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men were in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn’t very long before a police car arrived.  

The officer, clearly enraged, approached the little old lady, yelling, “What is going on here?” 

“My car broke down, officer,” she said calmly. 

“Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!” asked the officer. 

“Mr. Officer, those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.