The 10 Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. 
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” 
“What??” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” 
“Well, Husband #1  was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be but never delivered.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. 
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up. 
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. 
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. 
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. 
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. 
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it. 
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it. 
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” 
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” 

“Oh, you’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”


Wife: “Had your lunch?”
Husband: “Had your lunch?”
Wife: “I’m asking you”
Husband: “I’m asking you”
Wife: “Are you copying me?”
Husband: “Are you copying me?”
Wife: “Let’s go shopping.”
Husband: “I had my lunch…”
Wife: “Can you explain how this lipstick got on your collar?” 
Husband: No I cant. I distinctly remember taking my shirt off. 

Wife: “I have changed my mind.” 
Husband: “Thank God! Does the new one work now?”  

Better Safe Than Sorry

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist to fill his prescription for Viagra. “How many do you want?” asked the pharmacist. 

The man replied, “Just a few, maybe half a dozen. I cut each one into four pieces.”


Upon hearing that, the pharmacist said, “That’s too small a dose. That won’t get you through intercourse.” 

The old fellow said, “Oh, I’m past ninety years old and I don’t even think about that anymore. I just want it to stick out enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”