I just discovered my age group!

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)

 I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
 
I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store.
I like the wine store best.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?
 
Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
 
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.  People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
 
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.
 
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.  It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.
 
SO THERE!!
  I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too.
 
Cheers

Three Nurses in Heaven

Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gate keeper to plead their case for entering paradise. 

So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: “I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter.”

The gate keeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse then says, ” I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best.” 

The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter.

 

“And you?” He asks the third nurse.

“I was a case manager for an Health Maintenance Organization. I worked with thousands of patients.” She answers confidently. 

The gate keeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman’s file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven…

for five days!”

Wallmart Greeter

Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired…..
 
Charley,  a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get  to work on 
time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.  But he was a good worker, really 
tidy, clean-shaven,  sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating   their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office  for a talk.

“Charley, I have to tell you, I like your  work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you
finally get here;  but your being late so often is quite bothersome.” 

“Yes, I know boss, and I am sorry and am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what  I like to hear.” 

“Yes sir, I  understand your concern and I will try  harder.”

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on  to comment, 
“I know you’re retired  from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you

there if you showed up in the morning late so often?”
 
The old man  looked down at the floor, then smiled.

He chuckled  quietly, then said with a grin………….

“They usually saluted and  said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?”999999   One of my  favorite stories,  ever!

Wonderful English from Around the World ..

In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN. 

Cocktail Lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor’s Office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. 

Dry Cleaners, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. 

A Nairobi Restaurant:
CUSTOMERS, WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. 

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. 

In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS, IN BED. 

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. 

In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. 

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. 

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID 

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY. 

A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. 

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. 

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? 

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

And finally, the all-time classic, Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window:
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE.