He Who Laughs Last!

An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in.  

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk and then he took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. 

Onlookers were completely shocked at the men’s behavior, but the old man didn’t seem to be fazed in the slightest.

Without a word of protest, he quietly left the diner. 

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?” 

The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”

Before and After

Husband: At last! I can hardly wait!

Wife: Do you want me to leave?

Husband: No! Don’t even think that.
 
Wife: Do you love me?
 
Husband: Of course! Always have and always will!
 
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?
 
Husband: No! Why are you even asking?
 
Wife: Will you kiss me?
 
Husband: Every chance I get!
 
Wife: Will you hit me?
 
Husband: Hell no! Are you crazy?!
 
Wife: Can I trust you?
 
Husband: Yes.
 
Wife: Oh my Darling!
This was BEFORE the wedding.
To see what happens AFTER the wedding, read from end (bottom) to start (top) …

Get Out the Right Side

One morning, a young nun woke up, got out of bed, and dressed for the day ahead. She then left her room and headed downstairs for breakfast. 
 
As she walked down a corridor, she passed two older nuns, one of whom said: “You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.” 
 
The two older nuns then walked away giggling. The young nun was puzzled by this, but shrugged it off and carried on. 
 
She then passed another older nun who also said: “You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.” before walking away giggling. 
As the young nun continued to make her way down to the dinner hall, she kept on passing her fellow sisters, all of whom made the same: ‘You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning’ comment and walked away laughing. 
By the time the young nun got to the dinner hall she was so livid she bumped into the Mother Superior in the doorway.
 
The Mother Superior was just about to open her mouth to say something before the younger nun cut in, saying: “Don’t tell me, ‘I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning’!” 
The Mother Superior shrugged and then said:
“I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to ask, what are you doing with the bishop’s shoes on?”