Always Choose the Right Denomination

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he had for many years.

When his dog sadly died, Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying: “Father Patrick, my dog is dead. Could you possibly say Mass for the poor creature?”
 
Father Patrick told the farmer: “No, we can’t have services for an animal in church. But I’ll tell you what, there’s a new denomination down the road, and – no telling what they believe in – maybe they’ll do something for your pet.”
 

Muldoon said: “I’ll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough of a donation for the service?”

Father Patrick replied: “Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic?”

I just discovered my age group!

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)

 I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
 
I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store.
I like the wine store best.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?
 
Life is Good! Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
 
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.  People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
 
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.
 
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.  It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.
 
SO THERE!!
  I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too.
 
Cheers

Three Nurses in Heaven

Three nurses sadly pass away. They rise up into heaven, and there they approach the gate keeper to plead their case for entering paradise. 

So the keeper points to the first nurse, who says: “I worked in an emergency room. I treated many people, and always did my best to help. And although sometimes we would lose patients, I still think I deserve to enter.”

The gate keeper glances at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse then says, ” I used to work in the operating room, assisting surgeons. It was a lot of stress, and we lost many people, but I always did my best.” 

The keeper glances at her file and motions her to enter.

 

“And you?” He asks the third nurse.

“I was a case manager for an Health Maintenance Organization. I worked with thousands of patients.” She answers confidently. 

The gate keeper takes a long and careful look at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts entering digits quickly, looking back from time to time at the woman’s file. After a few minutes like this, the keeper looks up, smiles at her and says: “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven…

for five days!”

Yarmulkes in France

999999According to the Jewish Telegraph Agency:

Marine Le Pen: French Jews should sacrifice yarmulke in struggle against radical Islam

French far-right leader Marine Le Pen said French Jews should give up the wearing of yarmulkes as part of the country’s struggle to defeat radical Islam. In an interview with Israel’s Channel 2 that aired Friday, Le Pen expressed support for banning the wearing of yarmulkes as part of her broader effort to outlaw religious symbols in public, Britain’s Jewish Chronicle reported Sunday. “Honestly, the dangerous situation in which Jews in France live is such that those who walk with a kippah are in any case a minority because they are afraid,” Le Pen said, using the Hebrew word for yarmulke. “But I mainly think the struggle against radical Islam should be a joint struggle and everyone should say, ‘There, we are sacrificing something.’” Referring to French Jews, Le Pen added: “Maybe they will do with just wearing a hat, but it would be a step in the effort to stamp out radical Islam in France.” Le Pen is a leading contender in the upcoming French presidential contest, with a recent poll showing her advancing to the second round of balloting in May but still losing handily to front-runner Emmanuel Macron. Her political party, the National Front, was founded by her father, Jean-Marie Le Pen, who routinely minimized the Holocaust. The younger Le Pen has sought to move the party past her father’s controversies, but French Jewish leaders still consider the National Front anti-Semitic.

FLASH!

Our new book, Jewish Curses, (along with our other books) is now on a book shelf at our Amazon author page. Take a peek and let me know what you think.
If you live in the UK or Israel check it out at https://Amazon.co.uk/-/e/B01MU9MHV2

Dry Bones- Israel’s Political Comic Strip Since 1973