Three Old Biddies

Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by. One of the old Grandmas yelled out, ‘Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!’

The old man said, ‘There is no way you can guess my age!

One of the Grandmas said, ‘Sure we can! Just drop your pants and we can tell your exact age.’

Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times. Determined to prove them wrong, he did it. Then they all said in unison, ‘You’re 87 years Old!’

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, ‘How in the world did you guess my age?’

Slapping their knees, high fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed…..

‘We were at your birthday party yesterday.’

Sex Matters

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Are the differences between men and women biological or socially constructed? What do women want from a relationship? What do men want? Are they the same? Or are they much different? Sean McDowell, Associate Professor of Theology and Philosophy at Biola University sorts it all out in this eye-opening video.

via Sex Matters

Complicated Relationships

To: The Social Security Commissioner

Dear Commissioner,

My name is David Jackson and I live on Second Street. I would like to present before you the following story:

‘Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an 18-year-old daughter. After the wedding, my father came to visit a number of times, and suddenly he fell in love with my step-daughter. My father eventually married her without my authorization.

As a result, my step-daughter legally became my step-mother and my father my son-in-law. My father’s wife (also my step-daughter) and my step-mother, gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I am the husband of my step-daughter’s wife. This boy is also my brother, as the son of my father.

All at once, my wife became a grandmother, because she is the mother of my father’s wife. Therefore, it appears that I am also my wife’s grandchild. A short time after these events, my wife gave birth to a son, who became my father’s brother-in-law, the step-son of my father’s wife, and my uncle. My son is also my step-mother’s brother, and through my step-mother, my wife has become a grandmother and I have become my own grandfather.

In light of the above mentioned, I would like to know the following: Does my son, who is also my uncle, my father’s son-in-law, and my step-mother’s brother fulfill the requirements for receiving childcare benefits?

Sincerely yours,

David Jackson

Holding it in

 A Moscow-based businessman pacing through Washington D.C. Was desperate to take a leak. 

After searching up and down, he could not find any public bathrooms in which he could relieve himself. 

So, while no one was looking, he sought a side street where he could privately take care of his impending emergency. 

But just as he was unzipping, a Washington cop turned up.
“Look here, sir. What do you think you’re doing?” asked the officer.
“I do apologize, sir,” answered the wealthy Muscovite. “But I can’t hold it in any longer.”
“No. You can NOT do that here,” said the officer. “Come with me, sir.”
 
The Police officer led the gentleman into a beautiful garden of bright green freshly mowed lawn, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges.
“Here,” said the officer. “Whiz away!”
The Russian businessman shrugged his shoulders, turned around, unzipped, and began urinating on the flowers.
“Ahhh!” he cried with relief.
 
Then, turning back to the cop, he said:
“That was very nice of you, sir. Is this the famous American courtesy I’ve heard so much about?”
“Hahaha! No…” replied the police officer.
“…This is the Russian Embassy.”