About OyiaBrown

Please send me, as a comment to this page, any old material you have for inclusion in The Daily Joke Alert - to help enable us all to have our fancy tickled regularly! Never mind the state it's in as I tidy everything up prior to publication. Don't let good material go to waste - and so much does. In the interests of the environment we should always try to re-cycle everything, especially jokes. You know that makes sense! You may find some historical stuff here, but this does not really matter as humor is fairly timeless.

Defence Plea

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that to me since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It made me feel alive. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling a little hot and bothered, so I asked him to come closer.

Defense Attorney: And did he?

Little Old Lady: Well, he did, but I just yelled, “April Fools!” And that’s when I shot the moron.

The blood of slain Israelis stains many hands

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It’s often claimed by Western enemies of Israel that the military actions of the Israel Defense Forces against Hamas in Gaza are disproportionate because such actions kill Arabs while Hamas attacks don’t kill Israelis.

That’s apparently why the Western media ignore the thousands of rockets and aerial firebombs launched from Gaza to kill the residents of southern Israel, reporting instead IDF military action to stop such attacks as the wanton killing of civilians.

When an Israeli actually is murdered by an Arab in cold blood, however, this isn’t reported as wanton killing of the innocent, if he happens to be the wrong sort of Israeli. Then it’s suggested his murder is his own fault.

The killing of American-born Israeli Ari Fuld on Sept. 16 has caused an outpouring of grief in Israel. The impassioned eulogies to him poured out not just because his wife, four children, parents and the rest of his family have been so cruelly bereaved.

It’s because he was a brave and outstanding fighter for Israel and the Jewish people, and admired even by his political opponents on account of his warm nature. He devoted his existence to fighting a great evil to which he has now lost his own life.

via The blood of slain Israelis stains many hands

Qatar: Time to Shape Up

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Since 2017, when five countries of the Gulf Cooperation Council (GCC) severed diplomatic and trade ties with Qatar for siding with the Muslim Brotherhood and other terrorist groups, Doha has been forging new alliances, particularly with Russia and China.

During a military parade in December 2017, Qatar’s armed forces showcased new Chinese guided ballistic-missile systems that have a range — up to 400 km — that encompasses Qatar’s neighboring Gulf States. In September 2018, PetroChina struck a long-term deal with Qatargas to purchase 3.4 million tons per year of liquid natural gas.

Defense and economic ties with Qatar are crucial to China’s plans to extend its influence in the Middle East through the Belt and Road Initiative (BRI). China is aware that for the BRI to be successful, the GCC must be reunited. Given its own cordial relations with the GCC, Beijing sees engagement with Doha as an opportunity to become a key mediator in the Qatar-GCC crisis.

Qatar is also in talks to purchase Russia’s S-400 air-defense system. Despite Saudi Arabia’s reported opposition to the deal, Russia says it is moving forward anyway.

via Qatar: Time to Shape Up

Hugh Fitzgerald: Can Theresa May Change Her Mind About Asia Bibi?

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Asia Bibi, the Christian woman in Pakistan who was accused of blasphemy, sentenced to hang, and finally acquitted by the Supreme Court after spending eight years in solitary confinement, in an 8’ by 10’ prison cell, is still being held by the government, now for her own safety, somewhere in Pakistan. Meanwhile, Muslim mobs in that country, baying for her blood, have been searching for her, in order to carry out the sentence they think she deserves.

In early November, Bibi’s husband, Ashiq Masih, begged Prime Minister Theresa May to grant asylum for his wife and family: “I am requesting the prime minister of Britain to help us exit Pakistan and give us asylum if she can,” he told the Guardian. May did not respond. And what we know now is that Theresa May herself blocked the granting of asylum to Bibi, even overruling the British Home Secretary Sajid Javid, who had said that Bibi should be given refuge in the U.K.

When Theresa May was asked by MP Zac Goldsmith if she had “personally intervened” to prevent the government from offering asylum, she gave an evasive answer, replying that he “shouldn’t necessarily believe everything he reads in the paper.” That is not a denial. She added that her primary concern was “the safety of Asia Bibi and her family.” Does she think that Asia Bibi is safer in Pakistan than she would be in the U.K.? May is not thinking of Asia Bibi at all, but only about her own possible tribulations as prime minister, should Muslims in the U.K., enraged by the arrival of Bibi and her family, erupt in violence. That is something she doesn’t want to have to deal with, and consequently, is willing to turn aside the pleas made on behalf of Asia Bibi and her family, who remain in a state of maximum peril.

via Hugh Fitzgerald: Can Theresa May Change Her Mind About Asia Bibi?

BBC WS radio host questions “factual accuracy” of purpose of Hizballah tunnels

BBC Watch

The December 4th afternoon edition of the BBC World Service radio programme ‘Newshour‘ included an item billed “Israel targets Hezbollah tunnels” which related to the IDF’s announcement concerning the commencement of Operation Northern Shield earlier in the day.

Presenter Razia Iqbal introduced the item (from 14:07 here) as follows: [emphasis in italics in the original, emphasis in bold added]

Iqbal: “Israel now and the army has launched an operation to cut off tunnels infiltrating its territory from Lebanon. The military accuses the Lebanese militia Hizballah of having dug the tunnels with a view to using them for a surprise attack inside Israel. I’ve been speaking to Anna Ahronheim who is military reporter for the Jerusalem Post newspaper. She’s on the Israel-Lebanon border in the town of Metulla.”

By the time this item was broadcast the IDF had announced the discovery of the first cross-border tunnel (which…

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The Grotesque Immorality of Mainstream Islamic Ethics (Part 6)

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Polygamy is considered to be a crime in most of the world’s non-Islamic societies. And yet in the Islamic world, polygamy is considered to be an acceptable practice and an integral part of Islamic theology and law. Sharia makes what are crimes (numerous crimes — not limited merely to polygamy) in much of the non-Islamic world permissible for Muslims. And of course, Islamic law is based primarily on the contents of the Islam’s canonical texts (the Qur’an, hadth and sira).

The Qur’an specifies that Muslim men can have as many as four wives and an unspecified number of sex slaves. And keep in mind that the majority of Muslims consider the Qur’an to be a perfect book of instructions for Muslim believers to follow (Qur’an 3:138, 6:114, 16:89), preserved on an eternal tablet in heaven created by Allah (Qur’an 85:21-22).

Quran 4:3: “If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly, then only one, or a captive that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.”

Polygamous marriages such as those permitted by Islam tend to lead to much confusion, ugly competitiveness, and a lack of genuine love for both the children and wives of such arrangements, while catering to and favoring the sexual desires and superior rights of Muslim males, as prescribed by the Quran (4:34).

via The Grotesque Immorality of Mainstream Islamic Ethics (Part 6)