About OyiaBrown

Please send me, as a comment to this page, any old material you have for inclusion in The Daily Joke Alert - to help enable us all to have our fancy tickled regularly! Never mind the state it's in as I tidy everything up prior to publication. Don't let good material go to waste - and so much does. In the interests of the environment we should always try to re-cycle everything, especially jokes. You know that makes sense! You may find some historical stuff here, but this does not really matter as humor is fairly timeless.

Wallmart Greeter

Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired…..
 
Charley,  a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get  to work on 
time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.  But he was a good worker, really 
tidy, clean-shaven,  sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating   their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office  for a talk.

“Charley, I have to tell you, I like your  work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you
finally get here;  but your being late so often is quite bothersome.” 

“Yes, I know boss, and I am sorry and am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what  I like to hear.” 

“Yes sir, I  understand your concern and I will try  harder.”

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on  to comment, 
“I know you’re retired  from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you

there if you showed up in the morning late so often?”
 
The old man  looked down at the floor, then smiled.

He chuckled  quietly, then said with a grin………….

“They usually saluted and  said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?”999999   One of my  favorite stories,  ever!

Hamas’s Fatah and the No-State Solution

During a celebration in Ramallah marking the 52nd anniversary of the founding of his Fatah faction, Palestinian Authority (PA) President Mahmoud Abbas declared that 2017 will be the “year of international recognition of the State of Palestine.” Hailing the recent anti-settlement UN Security Council resolution 2334, Abbas said he was prepared to work with the new administration of Donald Trump “to achieve peace in the region.”

But while Abbas and his lieutenants were celebrating in Ramallah, at least 11 Palestinians were wounded in a scuffle that erupted between rival Fatah factions in the Gaza Strip. According to sources in the Gaza Strip, the fight broke out between Abbas loyalists and supporters of estranged Fatah leader Mohammed Dahlan. The confrontation, which was the most violent between the two sides in many years, is yet another sign of increasing schism in Fatah. Moreover, it is an indication of how Abbas’s control over his own faction is slipping through his hands. Hamas policemen who were at the scene did not interfere to break up the fight between the warring Fatah activists.

The melee in Gaza exposes as the lie that is Abbas’s repeated claim of a unified Fatah, able to lead the Palestinians towards statehood. Incredibly, Abbas seeks global recognition of a Palestinian state at a time when the flames in his own backyard are set to engulf him and his questionable regime.

Abbas says he wants to work with the Trump Administration to achieve peace in the Middle East, yet he cannot even achieve peace in his very own faction.

Abbas’s speech coincided with a new public opinion poll that showed that 64% of Palestinians want him to step down. The poll, conducted by the Ramallah-based Palestinian Center for Policy and Survey Research, also showed that two-thirds of Palestinians do not believe that the current Fatah leadership can achieve their aspirations.

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Iran’s New Indigenous Air Defence System

While Western governments and NATO continue to congratulate themselves on the Iranian nuclear deal, in Tehran it is business as usual as the regime continues to plan for war.

In August 2016, on Iran’s National Defense Industry Day, the mullahs unveiled a sophisticated, domestically-built air-defence system — a surface-to-air long range missile system called the Bavar-373 [“Belief”]. Iran’s system was commissioned in 2010, when UN sanctions suspended a deal for Iran to purchase additional S-300 air defence systems from Russia.

As Iranian President Hassan Rouhani bragged with complete accuracy, “The Islamic Republic is one of the eight countries in the world who have mastered the technology to build these engines.” Brigadier General Hossein Dehqan claimed that Iran would begin mass production by the end of 2016. As the Bavar-373 is made entirely from domestic components, it can be manufactured and deployed even in the face of future sanctions.

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The Telegraph – Brexit Bulletin

  Good afternoon.

Tony Blair is back, and he’s on a mission to re-educate the British public about why they were wrong to vote for Brexit. “This is not the time for retreat, indifference or despair; but the time to rise up in defence of what we believe,” he told his pro-European flock in London this morning. The former Prime Minister insisted that the referendum vote had been “based on imperfect knowledge”, and held out the prospect of Britain backtracking on its decision once it had become “informed” of what the consequences of leaving would be. This drew a fierce reaction from Boris Johnson, who accused Mr Blair of “insulting the intelligence” of the British people. He added: “I urge the British people to rise up and turn off the TV next time Tony Blair comes on with his condescending campaign.”

The Foreign Secretary and his fellow Brexiteers are annoyed by his intervention, but in private they may secretly be grateful for his continued enthusiasm. As I pointed out online, voters tend to distrust Mr Blair more than they trust him when he speaks about the EU. So if he is the figurehead for the anti-Brexit movement, Leavers will be happy.

Labour has tried to shrug off Mr Blair’s intervention, as it knows how unhelpful it could be as it tries to convince voters that it understands them on Brexit in Stoke and Copeland. “Blair built his political reputation – and Labour’s election victories – on his ability to “get it”, to understand working people’s priorities and their motivations,” Tom Harris writes. “He should retrieve those unerring political antennae out of whatever cupboard he left them in 2007 and dust them down.”

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The Trash Heap Has Spoken

My grandmother was a mountain. When I was a girl, I’d stand next to her vanity and watch as she strung herself with what I thought of as her “jewels”—jangling, glittering bangles and jade-green Lucite earrings and roped gold necklaces and Swarovski crystal brooches shaped like elephants and tigers. She wore leopard-print nightgowns and smelled like White Diamonds and overflowed from the bones of her chair.

Her body was a marvel to me, a form unbound and soothing as a Buddha. Sometimes, I would sit in her lap and peek down her shirt, to see her mysteries. She was the biggest woman I knew.

I was a skinny kid, coltish and freakishly fast. My anxiety seemed to burn calories; I was always upset about something that had happened or would happen or could happen. And when I wasn’t ascending the sticky torsos of pine trees in our backyard or mainlining Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys crossover novels or leaving sporadic, melodramatic entries in my diary or researching the symptoms of leukemia on the public library’s computer, I watched Fraggle Rock. I adored the industrious Doozers and the way the Fraggles rapaciously devoured their architecture. I was fascinated by the metafictional quirk of Doc and Sprocket acting out analogues of the Fraggles’ dramas in their own lives. But there was no one I loved more than Marjory the Trash Heap.

Marjory was a voluminous mound of sentient garbage and compost and leaves, who had a cherry-red cat-eye lorgnette and a banana-peel fascinator set at a jaunty angle. From the tippy-top of her head, she only spread outward as you went down. She didn’t spill from anything because there was nothing to spill from: she was boundless.

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