First in Show

Two little old ladies, Connie & Evelyn, were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.  The short one, Connie, leaned over and said, ‘Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!’ 

‘You’re on!’ said Evelyn, holding up a $10.00 bill.

So Connie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes. She grabbed a dried flower from a nearby display and held it between her teeth. Then, completely naked, streaked through the front door.  Her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling Connie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

old woman

‘What happened?’ asked Evelyn.
‘I won $1,000 as 1st prize for ‘Best Dried Arrangement’…’

29 Childrens’ Misunderstandings of Biblical Proportions

Nutsrok

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told…

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Who is fighting against Daesh (ISIS)?

Russell Chapman

The question of who is attacking Daesh (ISIS) has to be asked because as far as I can tell from conversations with my contacts on the ground in Syria, very little effective action appears to be directed against them on an international level.

The USA is carrying out some airstrikes against Daesh but from the information received is not proving very effective. None of the airstrikes have caused Daesh any serious problems so far and often they have already left the area by the time the bombs and missiles arrive. Having said that, the USA is continuing its funding and supplying of The Free Syrian Army (FSA), who are fighting on two fronts, against the Assad regime and against Daesh. Reports in the media that the USA is going to cut funding is regarding one small program only, the vast bulk of support is continuing. At the same time the…

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How to Measure the Arab War on Israel and Beyond

Beyond the Cusp

The easiest summation of intent is vocalized every Friday in the waning hours of the afternoon in Tehran and Qom, Esfahan and Bam, Shiraz and Tabriz, Mashhad and Yazd, Zahedan and Ali-Sadr when after their deep devotion sworn to Allah said in their Mosques they gather together after their prayers and as a community chant “Death to Israel” over and over and over and along with their Death to Israel, no demonstration would be complete without the accompanying “Death to America” chanted right alongside; but that is just something they chant and has no actual intent in their words, none at all as the media has quoted their leaders promising the leaders of the United States they mean them no actual harm, it is just an exercise. Unfortunately there have been no such reassurances given to Prime Minister Netanyahu or any MK in the Knesset, not even MK Tibi or…

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Palestinians: We Are the New Nazis

These are people behaving in a way that does not deserve being rewarded with anything, let alone a state. They far more resemble all tyrannical thugs throughout history who spend their lives telling other people how to live, and using violence, or threats of violence, to coerce anyone who does not agree. Sadly, we already have too much of that kind of muscling in our Arab and Muslim world, as Egypt’s forward-looking President, Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, as well as many others, regularly point out.

We have now reached the same stage as Germany’s Nazis — the same thing, ironically, we falsely accuse the Jews of being — where the appearance of a Jew on a Palestinian television show is considered as an act of “treason” and a “crime.” In reality, it is we who are the New Nazis.

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A Recipe for Israel’s Survival

On a day in which the Arabs launched terror attacks in Jerusalem, Petach Tikvah, Jaffa, Samaria, Judea, Kiryat Gat, and Maale Adumim, Israel’s political leadership is still acting as if the Palestinian Authority is our “Partner for Peace”.

The Israeli and PA military liaison committees met this morning to “discuss ways of preventing an escalation”. Coordinator of Government Activities in Judea and Samaria, Major-General Yoav Mordechai, today announced to Palestinian Authority (PA) media that Israel is not interested in an escalation of the security situation in Judea and Samaria, and that Israeli is maintaining the status quo on Temple Mount. Mordechai went on to pathetically assure the PA media that the police had eased restrictions on PA Arab entry to the Temple Mount during the fall holiday season.

No escalation? Are we really interested in maintaining the current status quo of Jews being attacked in the heart of Jerusalem and throughout the Land of Israel?

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Morning Briefing – The Telegraph

Good morning.

After bubbling away in the background during last week’s Conservative conference, the debate on Britain’s position in the European Union is back in the spotlight. Stuart Rose, as chair of the “In” campaign, is launching the group today with a punchy attack on those who want to leave, branding them “quitters”. “Lord Rose’s ill-judged tone will doubtless remind some people of the patronising sermons delivered by those who argued that Britain should join the single European currency,” we say.

The former M&S boss heads a campaign with some eminent names on board, including former chief of general staff Sir Peter Wall, all three former living Prime Ministers – Sir John Major, Gordon Brown and Tony Blair – and Apprentice star Baroness Brady. Some of the campaign’s backers – like Brady – appear to have had a Damascene conversion, who back in 2009 wrote about how “distant, self-important and all-but ignored” MEPs are “fiddling us left, right and centre”.

Both the “In” and “Out” sides are hoping to win Boris Johnson around to their team. Lord Mandelson is said to be “mad keen” to sign him up for the pro-EU side, while Nigel Farage has boasted that his Leave.EU campaign “might just get” him on board. Johnson has suggested he could “of course” envisage voting to leave the EU, but has yet to formally declare either way.

Johnson’s column in today’s Telegraph may give Borisologists a hint of what he’s thinking, as he slams politicians who encourage voters to “project their anger on to a particular group” like immigrants. “They become a catch-all explanation for everything that has gone wrong in a society. Your kids can’t get a house? It’s the immigrants. Can’t get a job? It’s the immigrants. Can’t see a doctor in A&E? It’s the immigrants. Traffic on the M4? It’s the immigrants,” he writes. Who is he thinking of? Farage has blamed all these issues – including high traffic on the M4 – on immigration. And I wonder what Theresa May will make of Boris’ column? If Johnson does decide to back the Out campaign, he may not be getting too close to the Ukip leader.

“I will not allow anyone to tell me I’m any less British because I believe in the strongest possible Britain,” Stuart Rose.

News
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Helen Goof-man
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A Cam With A Plan
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Tin Hat Time
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Car Dosh
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