Royal Navy Newsflash

The Royal Navy intercepted three boatloads of people off the coast of Kent today.

This placed the Navy in an awkward position, as the boats were heading not towards Kent , but away from it, towards France .

Another surprise finding was that the boats were loaded with British people, all of them seniors of pension age.

Their claim was that they were trying to get to Calais so as to be able to return to the UK as illegal immigrants and therefore be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate UK pensioners.

The Navy, it is believed, gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.

Those of senior citizen age interested in going on the next boat out should please let me know if they want to join them the scheme.