The Truck

999The doc told him the Irishman that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it,”

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it.

He couldn’t do it in his office.

He thought about the restroom, but that was too open.

He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.

Finally, he reached a solution: On the way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway and got out and crawled underneath as if he was repairing a fault.

Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and, with his eyes closed tight  thinking about his lover, he started the action.

As he grew closer to the moment, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.

Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the momentum of the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, “What?!”

He heard, “This is the police. What’s going on down there?”

The man replied, “I’m checking out the rear axle, it’s busted.”

Came the reply, “Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you’re at it as your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.”

The Genie and the Ex Wife

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.

He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out.

The genie said “I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double.”

The man agreed, and said “I wish I had a mansion.” The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions.

The man said “I would like a million dollars.” The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars.

Then the man said, “I would like to be scared half to death.”

The Computer is Gender Confused

 12A A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

‘”House” in French, is feminine -“la maison,” “Pencil” in French, is masculine “le crayon.”‘

One puzzled student asked, “What gender is a computer?” The teacher thought it would be a good exercise to have the students decide what they thought the gender should be.

So she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computer”), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you constantly find yourself spending more money on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine (“le computer”) because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model!

Mumbai Gang Rape:Death Sentence by Hanging for Convicted Repeat Indian Rapists

TalesAlongTheWay

From BBC News India 4 April, 2014

A court in India has sentenced three men to hang, under a new law which carries the death penalty for those convicted of multiple sexual assaults.

The men were convicted of raping a photojournalist in Mumbai last year.

But they were also among five men sentenced to life last month for raping another woman in a separate incident in the city.

The trio are the first to be tried and convicted under the tough new law aimed at repeat sexual offenders.

Friday’s sentences were announced at a court in Mumbai where Judge Shalini Phansalkar Joshi said: “There needs to be zero tolerance for such incidents,” the Agence France-Presse news agency reported.

“A loud and clear message needs to be sent to society,” she added.

Both the victims – an 18-year-old telephone operator and the photojournalist – were attacked last year. Both trials were…

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