Don’t Worry, Sir – (Adult)

1A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his “manhood” into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. But when the fun was over  he quickly realized the couldn’t remove the instrument from his ‘member’.

He read the manual but didn’t find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service hot line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).

“Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?”

“Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep,

“The machine will release automatically once it’s collected two gallons.

Have a nice day!”

A Poor Scottish Farmer

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer.

One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the sound.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman’s sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

‘I want to repay you,’ said the nobleman. ‘You saved my son’s life.’

‘No, I can’t accept payment for what I did,’ the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer’s own son came to the door of the family hovel.

‘Is that your son?’ the nobleman asked.

‘Yes,’ the farmer replied proudly.

‘I’ll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy If the lad is anything like his father, he’ll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.’

And that he did.

Farmer Fleming’s son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary’s Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman’s son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son’s name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

 

 

 

David Ward, MP sponsors almost comical anti-Israel motion in House of Commons

The following motion, sponsored by Israel hater Jeremy Corbyn andDavid Ward (whose animosity towards Jews, and not merely Israelis, is well documented) and signed by 41 other MPs (including George Galloway), in the House of Commons is an almost comical example of the anti-Israel double standards often employed by a vocal minority of British politicians.

Here’s the motion:

motion

Here’s the text:

That this House notes that, on a daily basis, Israeli authorities restrict journalists’ movements and there are hundreds of military checkpoints that constrain or forbid journalists’ movements; further notes that despite the long-standing campaigning by journalists and civil rights organisations, the Israeli authorities continue to reject identity cards, accreditation and press cards, including the International Federation of Journalists press card, when carried by Palestinian journalists; condemns the continuous attacks by Israeli soldiers on Palestinian news gatherers, in particular photographers and camera crews, the level of attacks has increased…

View original post 719 more words

Britain: Not Great for Women

Clarissa's Blog

Dear UK, have you gone off your nut completely? Is this shit even for real?

Female students banned from speaking at Islam seminar and forced to walk through separate ‘sisters only’ entrance at leading London university.

You’ll say this is Daily Mail, so it’s got to be a load of baloney. But here is Reuters saying that the situation is even worse than what Daily Mail tells us:

Research by Student Rights, a group which aims to prevent extremism at universities, said that over the year to March 2013, 46 events at 21 separate institutions were found to have either explicitly promoted segregation by gender or implied that this would be the case. Six of these were cancelled before they took place, however, the group said.

And here is Cameron’s pathetically limp-wristed and bleating response:

Mr Cameron said: ‘I’m absolutely clear that there should not be segregated…

View original post 194 more words

Does BBC reporting on Israel’s anti-terrorist fence meet standards of ‘due impartiality’? – part 2

BBC Watch

In part one of this article we examined the level of adherence to BBC editorial guidelines on impartiality with regard to the images used to illustrate BBC News website content relating to Israel’s anti-terrorist fence. In part two we will look at the written aspects of content which can be described as specially created backgrounders rather than ongoing news reports.

In the category of backgrounders available to visitors to the BBC News website, we find an undated feature titled “Guide to the West Bank Barrier” which is part of a project headlined “Israel and the Palestinians In Depth”. 

Guide to the WB barrier

Despite this article being undated, we can conclude from its text that it was produced sometime after July 2004 – at least two years or more after the construction of the fence had begun in the Spring of 2002. By that time, statistics pertaining to the fence’s effectiveness in curbing…

View original post 1,375 more words

FUKUSHIMA “BREAKING”…..75 US NAVY SAILORS HAVE CANCER AFTER BRIEF VISIT TO LEAKAGE SITE

The Slog

MURDER BY COVER-UP

ussreaganNimitz class carrier USS Ronald Reagan

bonnerVeteran human rights lawyer Charles Bonner (left) has practiced law for 27 years, so by now he’s pretty good at it. Mr Bonner has been the lead attorney in over sixty-five jury trials involving civil rights cases, police misconduct, child protection and a myriad other attempts to protect the vulnerable poor from the mendacious rich. Now he is leading a class action lawsuit against TEPCO, the regulator/owner of the Fukushima nuclear energy plant.

He’s unlikely to lose it, because he represents 75 sailors who came down with a host of medical problems, including cancers and leukemias, all kinds of gynaecological problems, and tumors on the brain. These service men and women are mainly young people in their early to mid twenties, and no one in their family had ever any of these kinds of illnesses before. Just since Bonner took the case…

View original post 477 more words

The Coolest Photos of Traffic Lights You Will See Today

TwistedSifter

 

I love projects where artists find creative ways to capture seemingly mundane, everyday things. Take the humble set of traffic lights below. Located somewhere near Weimar, Germany, photographer Lucas Zimmerman set up his camera on a foggy night and started taking 5 – 20 second long exposure photos as the traffic lights shone into the distance.

Lucas was able to play with the colour of the traffic lights by adjusting the ‘temperature’ in post production (hence the green light looking blueish in #4). The ethereal results became a series simply entitled, Traffic Lights.

Lucas has been shooting professionally since 2009, working around the world and holding his first exhibition in Beijing last year. In December of 2012 he partnered with Maria Le Quang and founded LUMA Visual Creations, a photography group based in the German cities of Landau, Würzburg and Weimar. You can find more from both…

View original post 151 more words