The Shirk Report – Volume 240

TwistedSifter

the-friday-shirk-report

Welcome to the Shirk Report where you will find the 25 funniest images, 10 most interesting articles, and 5 most viral videos from the previous week of sifting. Most images found on Reddit; articles typically originate from Twitter, RSS and email; videos come from a variety of sources. Any suggestions? Send a note to submit@twistedsifter.com!

*for email subscribers: If you visit the direct link to the shirk report in your web browser (by clicking the blue, underlined title), the videos will play properly and images will appear immediately under the text rather than opening in a new window!

 

25 IMAGES

Jerk chicken gets lost in translation
Rally for serve
Ladies love the beard
“I thought I saw a pussycat” – the dog
“What is this sorcery?” – the cat
I think he’s drunk
How they deal with speed traps in Germany

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How Old Is Grandma?

Stay with this — the answer is at the end…

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current events.

The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.

The Grandmother replied, “Well, let me think a minute –

I was born before:

‘ television, ‘ penicillin, ‘ polio shots, ‘ frozen foods, ‘ Xerox, ‘ contact lenses, ‘ Frisbees and, ‘ the pill

There were no:

‘ credit cards, ‘ laser beams or ‘ ball-point pens

Man had not yet invented:

‘pantyhose, ‘ air conditioners, ‘ dishwashers, ‘ clothes dryers, ‘ and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and ‘ man hadn’t yet walked on the moon

Your Grandfather and I got married first, and then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, “Sir.

“And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, “Sir.”

We were before gay-rights, computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends, not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CD’s, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios.

If you saw anything with ‘Made in Japan ‘ on it, it was junk.

The term ‘making out’ referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 &10-cent (5 and dime) stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Ford Coupe for $600, but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

‘ “grass” was mowed, ‘ “coke” was a cold drink, ‘ “pot” was something your mother cooked in and ‘ “rock music” was your grandmother’s lullaby. ‘ “Aids” were helpers in the Principal’s office, ‘ “chip” meant a piece of wood, ‘ “hardware” was found in a hardware store and ‘ “software” wasn’t even a word.

We were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.

We volunteered to protect our precious country.

No wonder people call us “old and confused” and say there is a generation gap.

How old do you think I am?

Read on to see — pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready?????

This woman would be only 60 years old.

She would have been born in late 1952.

GIVES YOU SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.

Social Security Administration

TalesAlongTheWay

1199502493_447ed84c_social+security+number_e  I am a pleaser, for those of you who haven’t figured that out. I try to be sensitive to others feelings as I am sensitive to my own.  Sort of a Golden Rule rule. “Treat others as you wish to be treated.”  Except for my enthusiastic support of Mr. Modi, I have not often talked about controversial Indian topics…slums, lack of toilets, poverty except in a very general way. I love India and want only to support her journey.  Well , let me take you back to my morning and how this all began.

I had to have blood drawn before my physical at the doctor’s next week. As I left, I thought I would stop at the Social Security office to get a change address form which I have been remiss in doing. I thought I would  run in and get one…but no. The policeman….yes armed . .  …

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10 Outstanding Highlights from the 2013 Nat Geo Photo Contest

TwistedSifter

 

National Geographic invites photographers from around the world to enter the 2013 National Geographic Photography Contest. The grand-prize winner will receive $10,000 (USD) and a trip to National Geographic headquarters in Washington, D.C., to participate in the annual National Geographic Photography Seminar in January 2014.

Eligible contestants can visit www.ngphotocontest.com to submit photographs in one or all of three categories: People, Places and Nature. Entry fee is $15 (USD) per photo, and there is no limit to the number of submissions per entrant. The contest, which is now open, ends Saturday, Nov. 30, at 11:59 p.m. ET (U.S.).

The Sifter’s friends at National Geographic were kind enough to share a collection of images from the contest that I could choose from and use to feature on the site. Below you will find 10 outstanding entries from this year’s contest. For more info be sure to visit

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At the End of the Day

The Slog.

Somebody needs to tell the good Burghers of Kent and Sussex that the Invasion emergency has passed, so they can now take down all the illegible 1930s road signs pointing in the wrong direction, and cut all the foliage back acting as camouflage. We may well be due for yet another period of unpleasantness with the Hun, but I very much doubt it will involve ground troops. Further I’d be surprised if the next punch-up required tanks, so the A26/A21 joinage roundabouts can be removed, if only to give the lone remaining Panzer division a rest after 70 years of pointlessly circling reconnaissance.

Last week I drove from Kypriassia in Southern Greece via Italy to France, and then up to Dover via the border with Switzerland to get back here. I think I was probably confused as to direction up to but not including once. Since arriving in these two…

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