Dear Mum

A mother passing by her son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Mum’.  

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With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. 

‘Dear, Mum.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.  

I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. 

But it’s not only the passion, Mum. She’s pregnant.  

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.  

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.  

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!  

Don’t worry Mum, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.  

Love, your son, Nicholas.’  

‘P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on my desk.’ 

I love you! 

Call when it is safe for me to come home.’


From his seat in the dock, David Cameron can show who’s in charge

On Thursday, June 14, the Prime Minister is due to appear at the Leveson Inquiry, the grand finale to this remarkable investigation. Though the cross-examination will be limited to his Lordship’s remit – the “culture, practice and ethics of the press” – it will be seen, inescapably, as a much broader viva voce, a televised appraisal of the PM’s performance to date and fitness to carry on. Two years into his premiership, and in circumstances he could scarcely have foretold when the Coalition was formed, David Cameron will find himself in the dock.

As it happens, I suspect he will welcome this opportunity, if not the precise content of the questions he is bound to face about his links with News Corp and his Government’s handling of the BSkyB bid. In truth, his position as PM and Conservative leader is absolutely secure until the general election. But many questions remain about this often-delphic, impermeable politician. What sort of national leader is he turning out to be, or does he aspire to become? Is he ready for what lies ahead?

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David Cameron and George Osborne will not even argue their case – Telegraph

The summer drinks party season in Westminster has begun early this year. Maybe it’s the Diamond Jubilee spirit or the need to get it all over with before the Olympic lockdown in London. But, for whatever reason, we are already immersed in the rituals which bring journalists and politicians, together in such convivial circumstances as to produce some serious damage. Traditionally, at these festivities, pundits sidle up to politicians hoping that they can prod them into saying something indiscreet enough to be interesting, even if it is only unattributable “deep background”.

Well, I have to tell you that in Tory circles at the moment we have a rather different problem. There is no scope for wheedling solicitations, no waiting around for careless talk or the odd flicker of disloyalty. The risk is not going without any treacherous gossip, but of being killed in the stampede of discontented Conservatives propelling themselves at members of the commentariat in order to unload their frustration and rage. Nor is this simply the familiar gang of malcontents. That lot are almost beyond articulating their despair. No, this is a much wider phenomenon that extends from some of the brightest and best among the backbenchers right up to the Government front bench and the higher reaches of the party hierarchy, who are all singing the same refrain: they will not listen. The “they” of course being David Cameron and George Osborne who, it is alleged, have become so isolated, so self-referring, so distanced from anyone outside of their immediate, tiny circle that they are impervious to advice and deaf to argument.

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United Nations ceasefire in tatters after 92 killed in Syrian violence – Telegraph

In one of the bloodiest incidents to date in the 15-month long uprising, 92 people were killed after a 12-hour regime assault on Houla, in the central province of Homs.

Anti-government activists claimed that troops had first shelled several villages and then sent in gangs of pro-regime thugs to “massacre” local families in their houses.

Amateur videos released on YouTube showed footage of the mangled bodies of 14 child victims lying in rows in a makeshift morgue set up at a local mosque.

In one horrific scene, a man held up the limp corpse of a boy aged around seven years old, a gaping hole where the child’s nose and mouth should have been. “This child, what did he do to deserve this?” he screamed.

Unarmed UN monitors, who had reportedly been prevented from visiting the area on Friday because of the fighting, were reduced to documenting the attack’s horrific aftermath when they finally reached the scene on Saturday afternoon.

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Nick Clegg: eurozone foundations are ‘weaker than anyone could have predicted’

It comes as Business Secretary Vince Cable insisted the UK’s double-dip recession meant it can’t “lecture” countries on how to run their economies.

In a veiled attack on Greece, Mr Clegg told The Andrew Marr Show: “The eurozone rules, as they were formed, have not been stuck to. Its foundations are weaker than anyone could have predicted.”

Greece will hold another election on June 17 after a May 6 vote left parliament divided evenly between groups of parties that support and oppose the austerity conditions attached to a €130bn bailout agreed with the European Union and International Monetary Fund in March.

Anti-bailout party Syriza is reportedly the favourite to win the fresh elections, raising questions whether the debt-stricken country – whose economy shrank 6.2pc in the first quarter of 2012 – can remain in the single currency.

Greece’s To Vima newspaper claimed that former prime minister Lucas Papademos says his country will run of money by the end of next month.

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