Wisdom Of The Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. ‘Excuse me; I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?’

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ‘Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?’

‘I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.’


America likes its First Lady to put home first

Ann Romney is America’s latest housewife superstar. The wife of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney made headlines this week after a Democrat, Hilary Rosen, said Ann wasn’t representative of real women because she had “never worked a day in her life”.

Ann Romney – who has raised five kids and battled cancer – begged to differ. “Maybe I haven’t struggled as much financially as some people have,” she told Fox News. “But I can tell you that I have had struggle in my life.”

It’s great that she has found her voice, and it’s dandy that she’s lending it to America’s 20 million or so homemakers.

But the emphasis on her domesticity suggests that she’d make for a rather dull First Lady. And that’s what Americans have come to expect. We now know that George W Bush’s wife Laura is pro-gay rights and once campaigned against the Vietnam War. But she still preferred to spend her time in the White House doing the rounds of charities and making Christmas home movies about her dogs. Surprisingly, Michelle Obama has been no different. When her husband was first elected, conservatives worried that this Princeton-educated radical would use her position to advocate world revolution and the illegalisation of men. Instead, her signature issue has been childhood obesity.

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We shouldn’t have the right to see David Cameron’s tax return – or anyone else’s

Would you like to know how much I earn? And how much tax I pay? Assume the answer to both is “yes”. Do you have the right to know? If I won’t tell you, is my integrity tarnished?

Thanks to the staggering hypocrisy of Ken Livingstone – whose attempt to smear Boris Johnson on tax backfired so spectacularly (when it was revealed that Livingstone channels income into his own company to reduce his tax bill, having denounced those who do so as “bastards”) – the day when you will have the right to dial up anyone’s tax details has come that much closer.

The Prime Minister has signalled that he’s “relaxed” over the idea of sharing his tax return. Inexorably, all candidates for public office will have to follow suit: the inference will be that failure to reveal is in and of itself a sign of unfitness for public office. It won’t stop there.

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Some secrets must be kept – and no one needs to apologise for that

My colleague and friend Peter Oborne is an ornament to journalism, but when I read in his Thursday column in this space that he had “apologised on behalf of the British people”, I gasped. I had not known until then that any newspaper columnist, however distinguished, had that mandate.

Being, unlike the plenipotentiary Peter, but one of those 60 million people, I can speak only for myself. I feel cross. Peter was apologising for an alleged wrong that has not yet come before a court. He says it is “a story to make any patriotic Briton … weep with horror and shame”. I say, hold on a minute. Part of the “decency and the rule of law” that Peter rightly identifies with our national spirit is, surely, not to believe the worst of British citizens and British institutions before a case is proved in law, especially when the accusations are hurled by foreign citizens who, to put it politely, have axes to grind.

The person who received from Peter the contrition of 60 million Britons “in his vast suite of rooms at the top of Tripoli’s Radisson Hotel last week” is a Libyan revolutionary called Abdulhakim Belhadj. Mr Belhadj used to be head of the Libyan Islamic Fighting Group, widely regarded as his country

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Lockerbie bomber fighting for life after blood transfusion

Megrahi, who was freed from prison in Scotland on compassionate grounds due to his health in 2009, was taken from his Tripoli home to a private hospital, his brother Abdulhakim told the Reuters news agency.

His health is said to have “deteriorated quickly” and received a blood transfusion as part of his treatment.

Megrahi is the only man convicted of the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 as it flew from London to New York.

All 259 people on board the aircraft were killed in the bombing in 1988 and 11 others on the ground in Lockerbie, Dumfries and Galloway, were killed by falling wreckage.

Britain freed him in 2009 on compassionate grounds after he was diagnosed with advanced terminal prostate cancer and was given just three months to live. Three years later he is still alive.

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Syrian troops threaten ceasefire by firing on demonstrators

Videos posted online from flashpoints across major cities from Damascus to Idlib showed that the ceasefire dictated by the Annan peace deal had encouraged more people than recently to join protests after Friday prayers.

But the so-called “Day of Revolution for all Syrians” failed in its attempts to pose an overwhelming threat to the Assad regime, as activists hoped.

Regime forces were able to limit the numbers and their effect using force, but without sufficient violence to call the Annan plan into question.

The Local Co-ordination Committees website said there had been 31 incidents of gunfire being turned on protests, and about 11 deaths, fewer than on other Fridays.

Omar al-Khani, from Qaboun in Damascus, one of the places named, said forces had fired on the funeral of Fares al-Habboul, a young man killed on Thursday, also in breach of the ceasefire.

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Spitfires buried in Burma during war to be returned to UK

The Prime Minister secured a historic deal that will see the fighter aircraft dug up and shipped back to the UK almost 67 years after they were hidden more than 40-feet below ground amid fears of a Japanese occupation.

The gesture came as Mr Cameron became the first Western leader to meet Aung San Suu Kyi, the Burmese democracy campaigner held under house arrest for 22 years by the military regime, and invited her to visit London in her first trip abroad for 24 years.

He called on Europe to suspend its ban on trade with Burma now that it was showing “prospects for change” following Miss Suu Kyi’s election to parliament in a sweeping electoral victory earlier this year.

The plight of the buried aircraft came to Mr Cameron’s attention at the behest of a farmer from Scunthorpe, North Lincs, who is responsible for locating them at a former RAF base using radar imaging technology.

David Cundall, 62, spent 15 years doggedly searching for the Mk II planes, an exercise that involved 12 trips to Burma and cost him more than £130,000.

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Barack Obama’s bodyguards sent home from Colombia summit amid prostitution allegations

Reports suggested that the misconduct involved prostitutes in Cartagena, site of the Summit of the Americas. A Secret Service spokesman did not dispute that.

A US official said 12 officials were sent home. The agents were staying at Cartagena’s Hotel Caribe, which is also hosting members of the White House staff and press corps during the summit

A hotel employee said the agents arrived at the beachfront hotel about a week ago, and claimed they were drinking heavily during their stay.

The employee said the agents left the hotel Thursday, a day before Obama and other regional leaders arrived for the weekend summit.

The Washington Post reported that Jon Adler, president of the Federal Law Enforcement Officers Association, said the accusations related to at least one agent having involvement with prostitutes in Cartagena. The association represents federal law enforcement officers, including the Secret Service.

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Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see Accountants on my operating table
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’

The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try Electricians!
Everything inside them is colour-coded.’

The third surgeon says, ‘No, I really think Librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’

The fourth surgeon chimes in, ‘You know I like Construction Workers.
Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end,
and when the job takes longer than you said it would.’

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, ‘You’re all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no
balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts – the
mouth and the rectum – and they are both interchangeable’