$100

It’s a slow day in a little east Texas town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.  

On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. 

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. 

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. 

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. 

The guy at the Farmer’s Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her “services” on credit. 

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. 

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. 

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. 

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. 

However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today. 

It isn’t difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill, just add a little dirt.

 

Alerts To Threats In 2012 Europe

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE: BY JOHN CLEESE.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”  

The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. 

Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels.  

This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.”  

The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” 

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” 

Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.”  

They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be all right, Mate.”  

Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!” and “The Barbie is cancelled”  

So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level

John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person.

A final thought – “Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray.”

Welcome back to 430 BC.”

Tax

Tax his land,

Tax his bed,

Tax the table

At which he’s fed.

 

Tax his work,

Tax his pay,

He works for peanuts

Anyway!

 

Tax his cow,

Tax his goat,

Tax his pants,

Tax his coat.

 

 Tax his tobacco,

Tax his drink,

Tax him if he

Tries to think.

 

Tax his car,

Tax his gas,

Find other ways

To tax his ass.

 

Tax all he has

Then let him know

That you won’t be done

Till he has no dough.

 

When he screams and hollers;

Then tax him some more,

Tax him till

He’s good and sore.

 

Then tax his coffin,

Tax his grave,

Tax the sod in

Which he’s laid.

 

When he’s gone,

Do not relax,

It’s time to apply

The inheritance tax.

 

Accounts Receivable Tax

Airline surcharge tax

Airline Fuel Tax

Airport Maintenance Tax

Building Permit Tax

Cigarette Tax

Corporate Income Tax

Goods and Services Tax (VAT)

Death Tax

Driving licence Tax

Environmental Taxes

Excise Taxes

Income Tax

Fishing License Tax

Food License Tax

Petrol Tax

Profit Tax

Health Tax

Inheritance Tax

Interest Tax

Heating Tax

Lighting Tax

Cooking Tax

Alcohol Tax

Luxury Taxes

Marriage License Tax

Private Medical Insurance Tax

Mortgage Tax and his pension

Personal Income Tax

Property/Council Tax

Prescription Tax

Land Stamp Duty Tax

Road Vehicle Tax

Retail Sales Tax (VAT)

Service Charge Tax

Telephone Tax

Vehicle License Registration Tax

Vehicle Sales Tax

Water Tax

Workers Compensation Tax

Tax (VAT) on Tax.

Carbon Tax? 

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

 

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago…

when our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.

We had little national debt, a large middle class, a huge manufacturing base, and Mum stayed home to raise the kids.

 

What in the Hell happened?

RoboEd Miliband hits the mean streets to attack the Coalition from the Right

Yesterday a small but significant thing happened. Ed Miliband attacked the Coalition from the Right.

To be fair he attacked them from the Left, and from the centre, and came diving out of the noonday sun as well: “Ed Miliband targets health reforms in local election campaign” – The Guardian; “Ed Miliband targets David Cameron in local election’s campaign launch” – Metro; “Ed Miliband: The Government has betrayed middle Britain” – Telegraph.

But for a moment let’s set aside the Labour leader’s continuing inability to deploy a single, sustained narrative. Miliband has finally broken his self-denying ordinance, and actually started piling in from the Right. The first assault appeared in the Daily Mirror: “Anti-social yobs should be frogmarched back to their victims to make amends, says Ed Miliband.” According to RoboEd, police should “be able to press thugs to clean up their mess by scrubbing off graffiti or rebuilding community projects.” And all without the usual mindless bureaucracy associated with things like fair representation or due legal process.

Read more….

The West should fan Burma’s flames of freedom

No one has yet coined a snappy title for what is happening here in Burma, but the sequence of events is quite as remarkable as with any of the revolutions that shook the Arab world last year, or broke down the Iron Curtain two decades ago. One of the world’s most inspirational icons of non-violent resistance has returned from 18 years of house arrest to win a landslide election victory. On Sunday, Aung San Suu Kyi’s National League for Democracy (NLD) won the overwhelming majority of by-election seats it contested, defeating the generals’ party so comprehensively that she appears likely to take control of the whole country at the next election in 2015.

The fairy tale began when Thein Sein, a former general, won the presidency last year, after four years as prime minister. He apparently decided that the only way to heal his country (and escape from the orbit of China) was not only to free the leader of the democracy movement, but to embark on reform at breakneck speed.

Since he met Aung San Suu Kyi in August last year, he has suspended work on an unpopular Chinese hydro-electric dam, freed hundreds of political prisoners, lifted curbs on the freedom of expression and the press, and persuaded the NLD to stand in elections for the first time since the military overturned its landslide victory in 1990.

Read more….

Voters want a story, Ed Miliband, not a hologram of your hopes

Be careful what you wish for. Had the Delphic Oracle told Ed Miliband two weeks ago that Labour would soon be 10 points ahead of the Tories and as few as four points adrift on economic credibility, the Labour leader would not have believed his ears. That breakthrough moment, so long awaited, has vanished faster than Ed Balls could swallow a Greggs sausage roll.

When Mr Miliband launched Labour’s local election campaign yesterday, he should have looked dominant. The Tories are discredited by a party funding scandal, coupled with taxes on old age and pasties. Ministerial guidance on petrol-buying has been so haughty and ill-conceived that motorists might no longer be surprised if told to fill up their cars with five-star cognac.

Yet Mr Miliband, who should be capitalising on this disarray, is hamstrung by problems that did not begin or end in Bradford West. Liam Byrne wants to stand down from the shadow cabinet to run for mayor of Birmingham, leaving a half-hatched policy review behind him. Ken Livingstone is scarcely a shoo-in for the London mayoralty, which will inevitably be branded as the next big test for Mr Miliband.

Read more….

Council tenants to get up to £75,000 to buy their own homes, David Cameron to say

The Prime Minister will formally unveil a “reinvigorated” version of the ‘right to buy’ policy pioneered by Margaret Thatcher’s Government during the 1980s. If sucessful if could see another two million council homes sold off.

Mr Cameron will say he wants to quadruple the number of tenants who can buy back their own homes and help more “achieve their aspiration of owning their own homes”.

The intervention comes amid a difficult time for Mr Cameron, when he has been accused of being out of touch and too distant from the concerns of ordinary people.

In comments released by Downing Street, Mr Cameron – who is visiting council tenants in London today – will say that he wants to help more people “do up their home, change their front door, improve their garden”.

Mr Cameron will say: “I want many more people to achieve the dream of home ownership. In the 1980s, ‘Right to Buy’ helped millions of people living in council housing achieve their aspiration of owning their own home.

Read more….