Sheer Lingerie

A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife 

He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. 

He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home. 

 

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. 

Upstairs the wife thinks ‘I have an idea. It’s so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on – do the modelling naked, then return it tomorrow, get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself’. 

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose. 

The husband says ‘B****r me, it wasn’t that creased in the shop’. 

His funeral is this Thursday !!!

The Wisdom Of Will

Will Rogers was quite the cowboy, with all the wisdom of simple, honest folk. His words still ring with common sense today… 

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.  

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco. 

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . .. Neither works 

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.  

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.  

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.  

8. There are three kinds of men:

The ones that learn by reading.

The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.  

10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.  

11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n  puttin’ it back.  

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ____________________________________________________

 ABOUT GROWING OLDER… 

First. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.  

Second. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.  

Third. Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved. 

Fourth. When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.  

Fifth. You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.  

Sixth. I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. 

Seventh. One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.  

Eighth. One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. 

Ninth. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.  

Tenth. Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf. 

And, finally:

If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you are old.

Mitt Romney’s negative advertising hasn’t worked on Rick Santorum

After Mitt Romney’s stunning victory over Newt Gingrich in Florida at the end of January, it looked as though a blitz of negative advertising aimed at his main opponent was a winning formula. If he could go on replicating it, his eventual nomination seemed assured.

So when the former Pennsylvania Senator, Rick Santorum, won three states a week later the assumption was that Romney would blast him out of the water in the next primaries to vote, Arizona and Michigan (his home state). Voting takes place on Tuesday.

If the polls are giving us an accurate picture, it has not worked out quite like that. Compared with a fortnight ago Santorum is down a bit in Michigan while Romney is up – but this looks like a 50-50 shot that is too close to call. The latest Real Clear Politics polling average for the state has Santorum on 33.8% and Romney on 33.2%.

Compared with Florida, where Romney turned a 3% polling deficit a week before into a 14.5% lead in votes on the day, changes in Michigan have been slight.

Read more….

Richard Dawkins: I can’t be sure God does not exist

He told the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, that he preferred to call himself an agnostic rather than an atheist.

The two men were taking part in a public “dialogue” at Oxford University at the end of a week which has seen bitter debate about the role of religion in public life in Britain.

Last week Baroness Warsi, the Tory party chairman, warned of a tide of “militant secularism” challenging the religious foundations of British society.

The discussion, in Sir Christopher Wren’s Sheldonian Theatre, attracted attention from around the world.

As well as being relayed to two other theatres, it was streamed live on the internet and promoted fierce debate on the Twitter social network.

Read more….

Concordia captain ‘changed ship’s speed for dinner with ex-dancer

By the time the luxury liner came close to Giglio it was travelling at 16 knots, despite being in shallow water and dangerously near to the island’s rocky shore.

Several passengers have said they witnessed Capt Francesco Schettino having dinner on the night of the disaster with Domnica Cemortan, a blonde Moldovan who had worked as a passenger rep on the ship and as a dancer on other cruise vessels.

The captain “slowed down the ship so that he could finish dinner in peace”, just prior to sailing close to Giglio in order to perform a ‘salute’ to an old colleague on the island, prosecutors alleged in a report.

He then ordered the ship’s speed to be increased to 16 knots “despite the proximity of obstacles, the presence of shallow water, the conditions under which the ship had to manoeuvre and the night-time darkness,” prosecutors charged.

As a result of the increased speed he was unable to maintain “an adequate distance” between the ship and the island.

Read more….

Syrian opposition says West is already aiding rebels

Bassma Kodmani, a senior figure on the executive of the Syrian National Council, said countries she refused to name were already supplying equipment including military communications technology, body armour and night-vision goggles to the Free Syrian Army.

She was more reluctant to discuss the provision of light arms such as rifles, but she hinted that other allies were beginning to send in lethal weapons.

The rebels have issued desperate calls for weapons to enable them to take on the heavy armour of President Bashar al-Assad’s forces.

“Defensive and light equipment are what they are doing on the ground,” she said. “It has begun.”

Her claims were immediately denied by western officials. A senior diplomat said that provision of military supplies had not begun nor was even being discussed between them. “There are lots of people saying that the Qataris and Saudis are talking about it, but I’m not even aware of that.”

Read more….

Scotland Yard launches investigation into doctors who agreed to illegal abortions of baby girls

Officers from the Metropolitan Police have begun gathering material that shows three doctors agreeing to arrange terminations for women who wanted to end their pregnancies after discovering the sex of the child.

Today we revealed how a second doctor agreed to arrange an abortion for a woman wanting to end her pregnancy because her baby was a girl.

He agreed to go ahead with the termination despite comparing it to “female infanticide.” Staff were also caught falsifying paperwork.

The Calthorpe Clinic has been exposed for illicitly completing abortion forms amid concerns that doctors are not properly consulting patients before agreeing to terminations.

Read more….