The Redneck And The Gorilla

A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem: The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the zoo keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

“First,” Bobby Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.” The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

“Second,” he said, “she must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ tee-shirt.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third”, he said, “you can’t never tell no one about this.” The keeper again agreed to this condition without hesitation.

“Fourth,” Bobby Lee said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist. The keeper willingly offered a guarantee on this condition.

“And last,” Bobby Lee said, “I’ll need another week to come up with the $500.00.”

This is a question of honour for the Coalition – not Stephen Hester

Jeremy Browne, a Liberal Democrat minister in the Coalition, thinks that it is “a question of honour”: Stephen Hester, the chief executive of RBS, may be contractually entitled to his bonus, he says, but he should not take it all the same. Browne’s leader, Nick Clegg, implies that he is right. No doubt most people agree with Mr Browne. But when politicians speak in these terms, I can never get out of my head the famous line of Ralph Waldo Emerson: “The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted the spoons.”

It may well be that Mr Hester is imprudent to accept a bonus just now. It is true that the RBS bonus system approved by the last Labour government after it had nationalised the bank is a hangover from the bad days when bonuses lost contact with common sense. But if it is a matter of honour that we are talking about, then the dishonourable party in all this is the Government.

In opposition, our current ministers supported the nationalisation of RBS. In government, they have continued it. Their purpose, which is sensible, is to ensure that the bank is so managed that it can be privatised and its current, appalling burden on the taxpayer can be sloughed off.

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Don’t legalise gay marriage, Archbishop of York Dr John Sentamu warns David Cameron

In an interview with The Daily Telegraph, Dr John Sentamu, the second most senior cleric in the Church of England, tells ministers they should not overrule the Bible and tradition by allowing same-sex marriage.

The Government will open a consultation on the issue in March and the Prime Minister has indicated that he wants it to be a defining part of his premiership. But the Archbishop says it is not the role of the state to redefine marriage, threatening a new row between the Church and state just days after bishops in the House of Lords led a successful rebellion over plans to cap benefits.

“Marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman,” says Dr Sentamu. “I don’t think it is the role of the state to define what marriage is. It is set in tradition and history and you can’t just [change it] overnight, no matter how powerful you are.

“We’ve seen dictators do it in different contexts and I don’t want to redefine very clear social structures that have been in existence for a long time and then overnight the state believes it could go in a particular way.

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