George Bush

George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died.

Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart.

The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint Peter questions him.

“You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”

Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.

Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed.

“You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials.

Picasso doesn’t hesitate. “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”

Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”

Picasso erases Einstein’s scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures their essences with just a few strokes of the chalk.

Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!”

The last to arrive is George Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head. “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”

Bush looks bewildered, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”

Saint Peter sighs, “For f****’s sake! Come on in, George.”

Poor Sister Mary Katherine

Sister Mary Katherine entered the ‘Monastery of Silence.’

The Priest said, ‘Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.’

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, ‘Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.’

Sister Mary Katherine said, ‘Hard bed.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ the Priest said, ‘We will get you a better bed.’

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest. ‘You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.’

‘Cold food,’ said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office.

‘You may say two words today.’

‘I quit,’ said Sister Mary Katherine.

‘It’s probably best,’ said the Priest, ‘you’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here.’

Scotland’s sterling issue makes independence highly problematic

Danny Alexander and George Osborne have raised what is perhaps the key issue from an economic perspective facing Scottish independence – what on earth would Scotland do about its currency?

Initially, Alex Salmond had favoured the euro for an independent Scotland, but unsurprisingly, support for this idea has plummeted as a result of the finacial crisis. Not many Scots would now welcome the euro, so Mr Salmond has been forced to shift his position and now advocates continued currency union with the rest of Britain, at least initially.

Yet if there is one thing that the single currency crisis has demonstrated beyond debate it is that you cannot have crisis free monetary union without matching fiscal union. Mr Salmond appears to have no convincing answer to this farely obvious flaw in his strategy. Nor has he even remotely begun to articulate how monetary union between two states operating independent fiscal policies would work. To have one country pursuing fiscal austerity while the other engages in the sort of fiscal expansionism favoured by the SNP would plainly be completely unsustainable.

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Iranian Atomic Scientist

Iranian Atomic Scientist

The latest report from the Washington Post:

Iranian scientist involved in nuclear program killed in Tehran bomb attack

“TEHRAN — A scientist linked to Iran’s nuclear program was killed in his car by a bomb-wielding assailant on Wednesday, a bold rush-hour attack that experts say points to a further escalation in a covert campaign targeting the country’s atomic officials and institutions.

The precision hit in a northern Tehran neighborhood killed the 32-year-old chemical engineer employed at Iran’s main uranium-enrichment facility and brought to four the number of Iranian scientists killed by bombs in the past two years. No one asserted responsibility for the bombing, which prompted a swirl of accusations and denials as well as renewed concerns about worsening tensions between Iran and the West.

An Iranian nuclear expert was killed Wednesday by a magnetic bomb attached to his car, state media reported. Officials were quoted as accusing Israel in the attack, suspected as part of a covert effort to set back Iran’s nuclear program.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said on Wednesday that Iran’s threats to close the Strait of Hormuz were provocative and dangerous. She also denied the U.S. had any role in the killing of an Iranian scientist.

Iranian officials immediately accused the United States and Israel of orchestrating the attack on scientist Mostafa Ahmadi-Roshan, who was killed along with his bodyguard when an assailant on a motorcycle slapped a magnetic bomb on his car as he commuted to work, according to Iranian news reports. Vice President Mohammad Reza Rahimiblamed the attack on “Zionists” and “those who claim they are against terrorism,” the semiofficial Fars News Agency reported.”

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