Don’t Leave it All to Me


This is the reason: The population of this country is 61 million. 31 million are retired. That leaves 30 million to do the work. There are 19 million at school. That leaves 11 million to do the work. 2 million are unemployed and 4 million are employed by the government to look after us. That leaves 5 million to do the work. One million are in the armed forces, which leaves 4 million to do the work. 3 million are employed by County and Borough Councils to help the government to look after us. That leaves one million to do the work. There are 620,000 people in hospital and 379,998 in prisons. Which leaves 2 people to do the work. You and me! And you are sitting on your arse reading this!  

No wonder I’m bloody shattered!

My Brand New Porsche!

A Londoner parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he’s getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off. More than a little distraught, the Londoner grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive.

Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: “My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined.

No matter how long it’s at the panel beaters it’ll simply never be the same again!”

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust: “I can’t believe how materialistic you bloody Londoners are,” he says. “You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else in your life.”

“How can you say such a thing at a time like this?” sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies: “Didn’t you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.”

The Londoner looks down in horror: “FRIGGING HELL!” he screams…….

“Where’s my Rolex????…”