Tribal Harmony

CELTIC AND RANGERS

On a tour ofScotland, the Queen took a couple of days off to visit the west coast.

Her Range Rover was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Queen noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing a Glasgow Celtic jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!

At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Glasgow Rangers tops sped into view. One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs,
immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Celtic fan from the water and using long clubs to beat the shark to death They bundled the bleeding,
semi-conscious man into the speedboat along with the dead shark and were preparing for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic calling from the shore…… It was the Queen
calling them to the beach.

On reaching land the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, “I’ll give you all a knighthood for your brave actions. I heard that the people of Scotland were
bigoted and trying to divide the country in two but now I see this is a truly enlightened example of tribal harmony which could serve as a model for other nations.”

She knighted them all and drove off.

As she departed the harpoonist asked the others: “Who was that?!”

“That,” one answered, “was the Queen. She rules Britain and knows everything about our country.”

“Well,” the harpoonist replied, “she knows frig all about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up Ok? or do we need to get another one?

The Sad Passing of Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend Common Sense who Has been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

  • Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
  • Why the early bird gets the worm;
  • That life isn’t always fair and;
  • That maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn), and reliable strategies (adults not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place:

  • Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a class mate;
  • A teen suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and;
  • A teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student (which only worsened his condition).

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or give an Aspirin tablet to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating on learning that you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home, and that the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, by his wife Discretion, by his daughter Responsibility and by his son Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers:

  • Know My Rights;
  • I Want It Now;
  • Someone Else Is To Blame, and;
  • I’m A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him pass this on; if not join the majority and do nothing.