These new theories on how to poo may mean you’ve been doing it wrong your whole life

These new theories on how to poo may change your life.

We’ve all got a toilet in our homes (hopefully) – but it might not be helping us have the healthiest bowels we can, according to an author who is an expert in bowel movements.

In fact, she says we should ditch the humble loo and squat down for a number two.

Currently studying for her doctorate in microbiology in Frankfurt, Giulia Enders’s debut book, Darm mit Charme, which translates as Charming Bowels, has sold 200,000 copies in her native Germany.

People are gripped by her descriptions -and diagrams – of how we should be pooing.

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The Palestinians No One Talks About

The international media continues to ignore the “plight” of the Palestinians living under the rule of the Palestinian Authority in the West Bank and Hamas in the Gaza Strip, as well as a number of Arab countries, especially Syria, Jordan and Lebanon.

“The Palestinian Authority does not want democracy.” — Mother of Jihad Salim, assaulted by Palestinian interrogators who asked him why the Islamic Bloc won student elections at Bir Zeit University.

The international community pays attention to Palestinians only when they are “victims” of Israel. The continued obsession of the media with Israel allows the Arab countries, as well as the Palestinian Authority and Hamas, to proceed with their systematic violations of human rights and freedom of speech.

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Iran “Deal”: West’s Surrender Triggering War

Russia and China have also agreed to build nuclear plants for Iran. And North Korea has also been supplying Iran with technology, a “minor detail” hidden from the UN by U.S. President Barack Obama. And the U.S. thinks that if Iran is caught cheating, sanctions can be re-imposed?

Other countries in the region have already started scheduling delivery for their nuclear weapons. They have made it clear they will not sit idly by while Iran goes nuclear.

Iran has already bragged that it will sell “enriched uranium” on the open market, and will be “hopefully making some money” from it, said Iran’s Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif.

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No Sat-Nav?

I have a little Garmin
It sits there in my car
A Garmin is a driver’s friend;
It tells you where you are.

I have a little Garmin
I’ve had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones;
My Garmin is my wife.

It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
“It’s thirty miles an hour,” it says
“You’re doing thirty five.”

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it’s never ever
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And with account of this
It specifies my gear.

I’m sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.

It gives me such good counsel
Each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I’m properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And – keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all such advantages
And tendency to scoff,
I do yearn just occasionally
To turn the damned thing off!

Time gets better with age

I’ve learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing “Silent Night.” Age 5

I’ve learned that our dog doesn’t want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7

I’ve learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9

I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 12

I’ve learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. Age 14

I’ve learned that although it’s hard to admit it, I’m secretly glad my parents are strict with me. Age 15

I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. Age 24

I’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures. Age 26

I’ve learned that wherever I go, the world’s worst drivers have followed me there. Age 29

I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must start to live so that no one will believe it. Age 30

I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it. Age 42

I’ve learned that you can make someone’s day by simply sending them a little note. Age 44

I’ve learned that the greater a person’s sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others. Age 46

I’ve learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47

I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. Age 48

I’ve learned that singing “Amazing Grace” can lift my spirits for hours. Age 49

I’ve learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. Age 50

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 51

I’ve learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52

I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53

I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58

I’ve learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage. Age 61

I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. Age 64

I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
Age 65

I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66

I’ve learned that everyone can use a prayer. Age 72

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. Age 82

I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Age 90

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92

I’ve learned that you should pass this one on to someone you care about. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.
Real friends are angels, who lift us to our feet when we forget how to fly!!

Be Prepared – A True Story

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich, she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers…

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster.

It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.

With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, ‘Now you know why they call that fancy mustard Poupon!’