Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me, never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
Randier than a sailor who’s been six months at sea, never let a cricketer’s hand an inch above your knee.
First let’s take the pace man, pure speed from first to last! My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast.
Then there’s the medium pacer, his balls swing either way; he’s really most persistent and can keep it up all day!
Beware the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap. If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap!
Then there’s the wily ‘slow’, pure cunning is his strength; he’ll tempt you, then he’ll trap you with his very subtle length.
So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree. Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease! His only one ambition, to linger at the crease.
The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes. When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes..
And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two; when he arrives at the crease then only six will do.
Then there’s the real stone-waller, girls, he knows what he’s about; and if you let him settle in, it’s hard to get him out!
We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock, he doesn’t mind if he’s last man in, as long as he gets a knock.
So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me: Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And watch the wicket-keeper, girls, he’s full of flair and dash; and if you raise your heels, he’ll whip them off in a flash.
If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score; or he’ll have you in positions that you never knew before!
And the commentator is a nasty sort of bloke, he watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke.
Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup; you’ll quickly find you’ve had it, when he puts his finger up!
So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me: !!!!NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER, WHOEVER HE MAY BE!!!!!
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* * * * *
I have a little Satnav
I’ve had it all my life
It’s better than the normal ones
My Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
“It’s thirty miles an hour”, it says,
“You’re doing thirty five”.
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it’s never ever
Safe to overtake.
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I’m sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling
Each journey’s pretty fraught
So why don’t I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I’m properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And – keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damned thing off!
Oh, my email, woe is me
I wake up, the number says 23
23? Since half past twelve?
Working hard, those overnight elves!
Out for a run, back in the door
The number has jumped to 54
Delete 6 or 7, then take a shower
Praying to a higher power
Or perhaps a super hero
To bring me down to inbox zero.
Dried and dressed, all clean
I sit back down at the screen,
What I find, to my horror
Is the number 64
And death shall have no dominion. Dead mean naked they shall be one With the man in the wind and the west moon; When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone, They shall have stars at elbow and foot; Though they go mad they shall be sane, Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again; Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion. Under the windings of the sea They lying long shall not die windily; Twisting on racks when sinews give way, Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break; Faith in their hands shall snap in two, And the unicorn evils run them through; Split all ends up they shan’t crack; And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion. No more may gulls cry at their ears Or waves break loud on the seashores; Where blew a flower may a flower no more Lift its head to the blows of the rain; Though they be mad and dead as nails, Heads of the characters hammer through daisies; Break in the sun till the sun breaks down, And death shall have no dominion.
Dylan Thomas (1914 – 1953)
THE PRAYER, TO GIVE AND NOT TO COUNT THE COST (By Saint Ignatius of Loyola)
Teach us, good Lord, to serve you as you deserve, to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labour and not to ask for any reward, save that of knowing that we do your will. Amen.
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not Love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not Love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not Love, it profiteth me nothing.
Love suffereth long, and is kind;
Love envieth not;
Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly,
Seeketh not her own,
Is not easily provoked,
Thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Love never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
And now abideth faith, hope, Love, these three; but the greatest of these is Love.