Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me, never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
Randier than a sailor who’s been six months at sea, never let a cricketer’s hand an inch above your knee.
First let’s take the pace man, pure speed from first to last! My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast.
Then there’s the medium pacer, his balls swing either way; he’s really most persistent and can keep it up all day!
Beware the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap. If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap!
Then there’s the wily ‘slow’, pure cunning is his strength; he’ll tempt you, then he’ll trap you with his very subtle length.
So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree. Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease! His only one ambition, to linger at the crease.
The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes. When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes..
And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two; when he arrives at the crease then only six will do.
Then there’s the real stone-waller, girls, he knows what he’s about; and if you let him settle in, it’s hard to get him out!
We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock, he doesn’t mind if he’s last man in, as long as he gets a knock.
So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me: Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
And watch the wicket-keeper, girls, he’s full of flair and dash; and if you raise your heels, he’ll whip them off in a flash.
If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score; or he’ll have you in positions that you never knew before!
And the commentator is a nasty sort of bloke, he watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke.
Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup; you’ll quickly find you’ve had it, when he puts his finger up!
So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me: !!!!NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER, WHOEVER HE MAY BE!!!!!