Amen to that!!!!

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Feinberg,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”

“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”

“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.”

“I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a f***ing wall.”

Classes for Women

Men Teaching Classes for Women at 

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED By July 31, 2014

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer – How to Adjust a Thermostat

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2

Which Takes More Energy – Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?

Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase

Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Curling Irons–Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning

At 7:00 PM

Class 6

How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?

Open Forum

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch

They Make Medicine for PMS – USE IT!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!

Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10

How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday’s noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live

How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to Shop by Yourself.

Therapists Available

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

The Escaped Lab Bunny

1A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.

As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.

“Wow this is great” he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight – lots of other bunny rabbits all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

“Hey” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”   

“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. “What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.

“Well” one of them said, “you see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.” This he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.

Later he asked them again”What else do you do?”

“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat that as well.” The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later full to bursting.

“It’s fantastic out here in the world,” he told them.

“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.

“I’m sorry. I had a great time but I can’t.” The wild rabbits all stared at him in surprise!

“Why? We thought you liked it here.”

“I do” the rabbit replied. “But I must get back to the lab. I’m just gasping for a cigarette.”

Full Body Scan Results

FULL BODY SCANS AT AIRPORTS:
CATSA disclosed the following Airport Screening Results
December 2012 Statistics On Airport Full Body Screening From CATSA :
Terrorists Discovered
0
Transvestites
133
Hernias
1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases
3,172
Enlarged Prostates
8,249
Breast Implants
59,350
Natural Blondes
3
It was also discovered that 308 politicians had no balls.
(Thought you’d like to know.)
__._,_.___

 

Splinters In Her Crotch!

1A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA .

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land, so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, “What took you so long?”

He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area so close to a waste treatment facility. I’m sorry, but due to Obama Care they turned me down.”