$100

Stay with this one. It is good (makes sense)
..
It’s a slow day in the small town of Pumphandle and the streets are deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

(Stay with this….. and pay attention)

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her “services” on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel Owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything…..

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town now thinks that they are out of debt and there is an atmosphere of optimism and glee.

And that, my friends, is how a “government stimulus package” works!

UK Headlines For – The Year 2030

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions.

White minorities still trying to have English recognised as the UK ‘s third language.

Children from two-parent, married, heterosexual families bullied in schools for being ‘different’……. Tolerance urged.

Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing a Burqa.

Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct, and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. UK Government has told the Japanese that Grey Squirrels taste like whale meat.

Britain now has ten Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of LUPC says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

Britain ‘s deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Iran still isolated. Physicists estimate at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being annexed by European Islamic Caliphate. No assistance available.

Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.

Post Office raises price of stamps to £18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

After a ten-year, £75.8 billion study commissioned by the Labour Party, scientists prove beyond doubt that diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil and human rights. Victims to have shared responsible for crimes.

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.

Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.

Bradford Muslim City win FA Cup Final, beating Halifax Hindu Hornets 4-1

United Nations telephone survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:-

“Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”…

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.

In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.

In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.

In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.

In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.

In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.

In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

And in Australia everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Royal Navy Newsflash

The Royal Navy intercepted three boatloads of people off the coast of Kent today.

This placed the Navy in an awkward position, as the boats were heading not towards Kent , but away from it, towards France .

Another surprise finding was that the boats were loaded with British people, all of them seniors of pension age.
99999

Their claim was that they were trying to get to Calais so as to be able to return to the UK as illegal immigrants and therefore be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate UK pensioners.

The Navy, it is believed, gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.

Those of senior citizen age interested in going on the next boat out should please let me know if they want to join them the scheme.