United Nations telephone survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:-

“Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”…

The survey was a complete failure because:

In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.

In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant.

In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.

In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.

In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.

In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.

In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

And in Australia everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Royal Navy Newsflash

The Royal Navy intercepted three boatloads of people off the coast of Kent today.

This placed the Navy in an awkward position, as the boats were heading not towards Kent , but away from it, towards France .

Another surprise finding was that the boats were loaded with British people, all of them seniors of pension age.
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Their claim was that they were trying to get to Calais so as to be able to return to the UK as illegal immigrants and therefore be entitled to far more benefits than they were receiving as legitimate UK pensioners.

The Navy, it is believed, gave them food, water and fuel and assisted them on their journey.

Those of senior citizen age interested in going on the next boat out should please let me know if they want to join them the scheme.

Amen to that!!!!

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Feinberg,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”

“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”

“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.”

“I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a f***ing wall.”