JUST IN…(Political Correctness At Its Best!)

1Leeds Police today pulled over a car driven by a Pakistani.

Constables were amazed to find the car was taxed, insured, not stolen and carried no bombs or weapons.

The car wasn’t an illegal taxi and the driver wasn’t pissed, stoned but had a full, valid driving licence with no points.

A police spokesman said the constables had no choice other than to fine Abdul £80 for wasting police time.

Wal-Mart Strikes Again!

1Yes folks, Hershey’s has new Butterscotch Kisses! 

2Look carefully. Can you believe more than one person bought these shorts?

3Is that injured foot from kicking your own ass for wearing those out in public? 

4So! Exactly how many sizes too small would you say this outfit is?

5

   If you woke up in good spirits this morning, this should ruin the rest of your day!

6

 Hmm, should I buy the pies or plain bread?

7  Oh dear God! This must be what a ‘cougar’ is!

8

 Dang, its hot in here, good thing I clipped the legs on these pj’s.

9

 Nothing runs like a Deere!

10

 Yeah, the ankle weights are going to make a BIG difference!

11

  I didn’t know I could buy a table dance at Walmart too!

12

 It’s ‘bringing sexy back’, not ‘bring sexy across your whole back-side’!

13

Honey, when I’m done with the potato salad, can ya pass the dog food?

14

 I know they look good, but tell me, are they even?

15

Like, removing the flip-flops makes a big difference?!

16Doesn’t the flowered bra just bring the whole outfit together?

17You go girl! This summer it’s all about the layered look!

18 No Sir, I’m not coming back into the store with you…I paid for the melons.

19Oh good! A gutt-crack instead of all those butt-cracks!

20Bought a paper shredder yesterday… love it! love it!

21 Please tell me she’s wearing a thong!

22 To do list: quick stop at the candy isle before bartending at Bubba’s Bar & Grill.

23Did she just sink one in the side pocket? Or would that be a slam-dunk?

AND THE WALMART WINNER IS…

24No need for a shirt, just stuff them in your pants!

Bespoke Inflatable Doll

1Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, ‘Male or female?’

Customer says, ‘Female.’

Counter guy asks, ‘Black or white?

Customer says, ‘White.’

Counter guy asks, ‘Christian or Muslim?’

Customer says, ‘What the hell does religion have to do with it?’

Counter guy says, ‘The Muslim one blows itself up.’

A Wonderfully Racist Story…

1Trust the Chinese to have his wits when he’s confronted by such a racist.

A Chinese immigrant went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the back of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn’t like Chinamen.

The game warden ordered the Chinese to show his hunting license and the Chinese pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said,” This duck ain’t from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec hunting license, boy??”

The Chinese reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said “This ain’t no Quebec duck. This duck’s from Manitoba.

You got a Manitoba license??”The Chinese reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said “This ain’t no Manitoba duck. This is from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia hunting license??”

Again the Chinese reached into his wallet keeping calm with patience and brought out a Nova Scotia license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Chinese “Just where the hell are you from??”

The Chinese smiled , turned around, bent over, dropped his pants showing his butt and said, ”You sniff and tell me,……. you are the expert!!!”