A Natural Event

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics. He makes friends with the tribes Chief’s and his wife and they all live happily for some time. One day, the Chief’s wife gives birth to… A white child!

The word spreads and the entire tribe is in shock. The chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look, you’re the only white man we’ve ever seen around here, and my wife just gave birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”

The professor replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, “Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”

The Three Sisters

Three sisters of age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.”

She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.

She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks on wood for good measure.

She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

One Liners – Part 3

I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns a plenty. Some of them are so bad, they are hilarious – but they’re guaranteed to give you some laughs!

21. I hate Russian Dolls. They’re so full of themselves.

22. I used to be a banker, but over time I lost interest.

23. I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

24. I can’t understand why people are so bothered about me not knowing what the word ‘apocalypse’ means. It’s not like it’s the end of the world!

25. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two-tired!

26. Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side in an accident? He’s all right now.

27. If I could only take one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t bother going.

28. I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seat belt for ages. But then one day, it just clicked.

29. My first job was at a calendar factory. I can’t believe they sacked me, all I did was take a day off!

30. I was going to tell my pizza joke but I think it’s a bit too cheesy.

One Liners – Part 2

I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns a plenty. Some of them are so bad, they are hilarious – but they’re guaranteed to give you some laughs!

11. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out, man.

12. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

13. I was overcharged for Velcro last week. What a rip off!

14. I think I’m emotionally constipated. I just can’t seem to give a sh*t

15. I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

16. A train stops at a train station. A bus stops at a bus station. Now why is my desk called a ‘work station’?

17. How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!

18. The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common.

19. Have you heard about the magic tractor? It turned into a field!

20. To the guy who invented zero: Thanks for nothing!

One Liners – Part 1

I love a good one liner, and these jokes have puns a plenty. Some of them are so bad, they are hilarious – but they’re guaranteed to give you some laughs!

1. I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I’ve only got my shelf to blame.

2. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for a local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

3. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.

4. I had to quit my job at the shoe recycling factory. It was just sole destroying.

5. I was getting in to my car the other day and a man said ‘can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!’

6. I’ve decided to sell my vacuum. Well, it was just gathering dust!

7. What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!

8. The problem with premature ejaculation is it usually comes out of nowhere.

9. Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

10. My wife and I have been happy for 20 years. But then we met.