Ode To The Immigrants

1I cross ocean, poor and broke.
Take bus, and see employment folk.

2Nice man treat me good in there.
Say need to see welfare.

3Welfare say, ‘You come no more, we send cash right to your door.’

4Welfare cheques – they make you wealthy! NHS – it keep you healthy!

5By and by, get plenty money.
Thanks to you, you British dummy!

6Write to friends in motherland.
Tell them ‘come fast as you can.’

7They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
And buy big house with welfare bucks!

818They come here; we live together,
More welfare cheques, it getting better!

23 22 21Fourteen families, moving in,
but neighbour’s patience wearing thin.
Then, British guy moves well away.
So buy his house, then I say:

1021 22  24
‘Find more brothers for house to rent.’
And in the yard I put a tent.21 22Everything is very good,
and soon we own the neighbourhood.

16We have hobby, it’s called breeding. Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist? Wives need pills? We get free! We got no bills!

British crazy! They work all year, to keep the welfare running here.

We think UK is darn good place. Too darn good for British race!

If they no like us, they can scram. Lots of room in Afghanistan!



Think about it: UP
Read until the end…..

A two-letter word in English has more meanings than
any other two-letter word, and that word
is ‘UP.’

It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It’s easy to understand ‘UP’, meaning toward the sky
or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the
morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP?
And why are the officers UP for election?
And why is it UP to the secretary to
write UP a report?

We call UP our friends,
brighten UP a room, polish UP the
silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times this little word has real special

People stir UP trouble, line UP for
tickets work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP
because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP
at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed
UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP,
look UP the word ‘UP’ in the dictionary..

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes ‘UP’ almost 1/4 of
the page and can add ‘UP’ to about
thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of
the many ways ‘UP’ is used.
It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give
UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it soaks UP the
When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now
……..my time is UP !

Oh….one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last
thing you do at night?
UP !

Did that one crack you UP?

Don’t screw UP…
Pass this on to everyone you can look UP ‘UP’ in your
address book..

or not…it’s UP to you.

Now I’ll shut UP

Parental Guidance

A man walks into a drug store with his adolescent son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
The man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh I see,” replied the boys pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” 
father and son
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, “Why are there three in this package?”
The dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks “Then who are these for?” “Those are for college men,” the dad answers, “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.” 
“WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied:
Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…

The King and the Donkey

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.
So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.
On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.” So they did.
However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once! Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.
The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtaindonkey my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.” So instead, the King hired the donkey on the spot.
And thus began the ancient-old practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions…