An Indian mind at work !

A naked and drunken woman boards a taxi in London one night.

The Indian driver keeps staring, and does not start the taxi.

Woman: “Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

Driver: “I’m not staring at you lady…. Was just wondering where have you keep your cash!”

Cross Examination

Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Old Lady:
No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my David died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
He began to rub all over my body.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy’ that I just laid down and told him ‘Take me, young man. Take me now!’

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘ April Fool!’
And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.

Why Sharks Circle

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

“Follow me, son,” the father shark said, and they swam to the mass of people.

“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”

And they did.

“Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.”

And they did.

“Now we eat everybody.”

And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, “Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”

His wise father replied, “Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!”

No need to thank me for this snippet, I just try to pass on something new every day.

Clever Definitions

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends, and is now growingin the middle.
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BEAUTY PARLOUR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
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CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
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CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they’re born and after they’re dead.
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COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes but wastes hours.
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DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
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EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
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HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
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INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
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MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
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RAISIN:
A grape with sunburn.
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SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

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SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
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TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
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TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labour-saving devices of today.
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YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
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WRINKLES:
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.
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The Different Generations

99998People born before 1946 are called – The Greatest Generation.

People born between 1946 and 1964 are called – The Baby Boomers.

People born between 1965 and 1979 are called – Generation X.

And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group – Generation Y ?

Y should I get a job?

Y should I leave home and find my own place?

Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?

Y should I clean my room?

Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?

Y should I buy any food?

But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below…

99999

The Lesbian

You think you have lived to be 90 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!

99999An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked, are you a real pilot?

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans… flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars.

I’ve taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.

As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.

When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women.

It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: “are you a real pilot?”

He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’