About OyiaBrown

Please send me, as a comment to this page, any old material you have for inclusion in The Daily Joke Alert - to help enable us all to have our fancy tickled regularly! Never mind the state it's in as I tidy everything up prior to publication. Don't let good material go to waste - and so much does. In the interests of the environment we should always try to re-cycle everything, especially jokes. You know that makes sense! You may find some historical stuff here, but this does not really matter as humor is fairly timeless.

Cause for addiction

Originally posted on James' Funnies:

Why Teachers Drink

!!!!!WhyTeachersDrink1
The following questions were set in last year’s examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)…………and they WILL breed …and vote. (scary)
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are…

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Two priests on a beach

Originally posted on Joke for today:

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist” garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery.

Presently, a “drop dead gorgeous” blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn’t help but stare.

As she passed them she turned, smiled, and said: “Good morning father, good morning father.” Nodding and addressing each of them individually.

They were both stunned; how in the world were they recognized as priests?

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The Imagined Figment of Moderate Arab Support for Israel

Originally posted on Beyond the Cusp:

There is a misconception which has been growing even amongst many Israeli politicians and left leaning citizens as well as growing exponentially throughout Europe and the United States, especially amongst their Jewish populations. This misconception is represented to perfection by Israeli Justice Minister Tzipi Livni and her fanatical opposition to the settlements or any Israeli claims which extend beyond the Green Line, the 1949 Armistice Lines which were Israel’s demarcation lines which were the closest thing they had for borders pre-Six Day War. Minister Livni’s latest psychotic rantings came regarding the Israeli government’s decision to declare 4,000 dunams (about 1,000 acres) in the Etzion Bloc as state land as she said such moves as this drive wedges which drive away the moderate actors in the region from coming on board with Israel in forming a lasting and secure peace. This preoccupation of Minister Livni has become her near religious lamentation…

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North Korea warns London over Channel 4 series

North Korea has warned London that diplomatic ties are at risk unless the British government intervenes to halt the broadcast of a Channel 4 drama about Pyongyangs nuclear weapons programme.

Through its state media, North Korea has described the political thriller, “Opposite Number”, as a “conspiratorial charade”.

Pyongyang has also issued “a warning that movies slandering the DPRK should be dumped without delay if [the British government] wants to maintain the hard-won diplomatic ties between the DRPK and Britain.”

London appears unfazed by the threats, however, with a spokesperson for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office in London telling The Telegraph: “It is for Channel 4 to decide upon its programming schedule.

“British media is editorially independent of the British government, and as such we would not be involved in the development or production of programmes.”

More…

BRITAIN: ‘ British Muslim Leaders Issue ‘Fatwa’ Condemning Islamic Extremist Group ISIS ‘

OyiaBrown:

Much overdue!

Originally posted on Ace News Services 2014:

#AceWorldNews – BRITAIN (London) – September 01 – Muslim leaders have issued a fatwa condemning Islamic extremist group Isis, and have said that British jihadis are “betraying their own societies” by getting involved in the conflicts in Iraq and Syria.

​’ ISIS Jihadists Rip-Up Passports ‘

The fatwa represents the British Muslim community’s strongest denunciation of Isis yet, calling the extremist group “heretical” and “an oppressive and tyrannical group.”

According to The Sunday Times, the fatwa, authored by Sheik Usama Hasan, a former imam from east London, and supported by six senior Islamic scholars across the country, says it is “religiously prohibited (haram) to support or join” Isis.

Though Muslims have a “moral obligation” to help the Syrian and Iraqi people, they must do so “without betraying their own societies,” the fatwa states.

Baroness Warsi, former Foreign Office minister: “These are substantial figures and I welcome this announcement. The…

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Focus below the line: Profile of ‘anti-Zionist’ Guardian commenter Eileen Kuch

Originally posted on CiF Watch:

We first noticed commenter ‘Eileen Kuch’ on a ‘Comment is Free’ thread about the Ukrainian-Russian crisis in April, where she vehemently supported Russia’s intervention in Ukraine.

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This comment, putting aside the “Zio-controlled” trope (that can be explained off as some kind of anti-Zionism – she didn’t write “Jewish controlled”; did she?), reminded us of a crazy conspiracy theory – on some completely off the mental spectrum website – alleging that Barack Obama’s stepfather Lolo Soetoro must have been Jewish because “soetoro” is a Hebrew word used in the Hebrew Bible.

We were mildly surprised that the Guardian allowed such a bizarre claim on their site, and, wishing to understand the very generous flexibility of the moderators, searched for her other comments.

Reading her writings taken from her public profile on CIF is a beautiful example of the level of racist hate speech that the World’s Leading Liberal Voice is evidently…

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