About OyiaBrown

Please send me, as a comment to this page, any old material you have for inclusion in The Daily Joke Alert - to help enable us all to have our fancy tickled regularly! Never mind the state it's in as I tidy everything up prior to publication. Don't let good material go to waste - and so much does. In the interests of the environment we should always try to re-cycle everything, especially jokes. You know that makes sense! You may find some historical stuff here, but this does not really matter as humor is fairly timeless.

I’m fine!

99999A farmer named Paddy had a car accident; he was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company’s hot-shot lawyer was questioning Paddy: ‘Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’ he asked.

Paddy responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d just loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da.. ‘

‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the lawyer interrupted. ‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?’

Paddy said, ‘Well, I’d just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin’ down da road…. ‘

The lawyer interrupted again and said,’Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ‘

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy’s answer and said to the lawyer: ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie’.

Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded. ‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’.. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are you feelin’?’

‘Now wot da fock would you say?’

ISIS joy to please Allah: ‘You cannot imagine the pleasure from cutting off a baby’s head’

Image

Originally posted on The Muslim Issue:

The contributing immigrants imported into Western society from Islamic countries cannot describe the pleasure they get from cutting off heads of small kafir babies. But these are not only heads of non-Muslims, but of kafir Muslim babies. Shiites, Alawites and other minorities are not true Muslims according to the Sunni’s, and therefore don’t count as an illegal killing of another Muslim.

Who let the dogs in?

France is the mother ship behind the entire Muslim mass immigration problem flooding not only into Europe, but into Britain, Canada, North America, Australia and New Zealand. When will the right political leader emerge on the scene who will drag this socialist pithole to court for all the damages their leftist delusions have brought to everyone? Through French persistence EU signed a horrid ‘trade treaty’ with Arab countries in the 1970’s removing the blockage of Muslim immigration.

The demands to push Muslims onto all…

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Vernazza

Originally posted on Edith Levy Photography:

The 4th village we visited in Cinque Terre is Vernazza which is sandwiched on the coast between Corniglia and Monterosso.

While it is possible to get around certain parts of the other 4 villages by car, Vernazza truly is the only village that is car free and remains one of the trues fishing villages.

Click on the image to see a high resolution version (it really does look better) or to Purchase a Print.

Vernazza, Cinque Terre, 5 Villages, Italy, travel photography, fishing village, coloured houses

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BBC News report on 8200 tells a partial story

Originally posted on BBC Watch:

On the afternoon of September 12th the BBC News website’s Middle East page published an article titled “Israeli intelligence veterans refuse to spy on Palestinians“. The report is illustrated with an unrelated image photographed during rioting in Qalandiya a month ago and carrying the amusing caption: “Intelligence gathering is a key part of Israel’s military operations”.  Intelligence gathering is of course a key part of any country’s military operations, including (one at least hopes) the UK.8200 art

Two hundred and thirty-seven of the report’s 407 words are devoted to amplification of the obviously politically motivated – and unverified – claims of a small group of apparently soon to be former reservists in Unit 8200. Ninety-five words are allotted to the IDF’s response to the letter which was promoted in local and foreign media and the rest of the report’s word-count is devoted to background, including amplification of a

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The Gay Cowboy

99999A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said to the hired hand, “You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.”

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o’clock came, however, and he hadn’t return…..Two o’clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her…..

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. “Now take off my boots.”

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. “Now take off my socks.”

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra…….” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, …………….

“If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired.”

(P.S. – I didn’t see it coming, either!)