Football And The Blonde

Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be the best — because it
makes football make sense
 

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of
the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’”

 “I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!”

 

Achar Singh’s BMW

Achar Singh buys the new Automatic BMW X8 sport.

He drives the Car perfectly well during the day, but at night the Car just won’t move at all.

He tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck.

He then furiously calls the BMW dealers and they send out a technician to him, the technician asks, “ Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?”

Full of anger Achar replies, “You fool, idiot man, how you could ask such a question, I’m not stupid!! I use D for the Day and N for the Night…”

Extradition of Abu Hamza and four others for terrorism offences can go ahead, European court rules – Telegraph

The judges gave a final ruling on six extradition cases in a verdict which effectively passed judgment on whether America’s treatment of terrorist suspects amounts to “inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” in breach of the European human rights code.

They decided it would be lawful for five of the six to be jailed for the rest of their lives in a so-called ‘super-max’ prison.

The ruling stated that the five, including radical preacher Abu Hamza, would not be subject to “ill-treatment” in America. The court adjourned its decision on Haroon Rashid Aswat pending consideration of further complaints lodged by him.

The ruling granted the men the right to appeal to the court’s Grand Chamber, meaning any extradition could be some time away.

Hook-handed cleric Abu Hamza, serving a seven-year sentence in Britain for soliciting to murder and inciting racial hatred, had become the focus of growing concern over human rights rulings from Strasbourg which ministers claim could compromise national security.

via Extradition of Abu Hamza and four others for terrorism offences can go ahead, European court rules – Telegraph.

Get Jakarta

MORNING BRIEFING – By Benedict Brogan (Daily Telegraph)

Dave’s Asian tour goes on, touching down in Jakarta a little over an hour ago. The lobby are already tweeting his every move. The Guardian’s Nick Watt reports that the PM is endorsing a £336m deal just signed between Airbus and Garuda, while ITV’s Chris Ship has tweeted a photo of Dave laying a wreath at a war memorial.

The Guardian has a full page on Cameron’s attempt to boost British defence sales in Indonesia, and the FT has some helpful graphics illustrating British trade with south-east Asia compared with other developed countries.

But it’s not all trade – as we reported yesterday, on Friday, the PM is off to Burma, where sanctions still apply. Nick Watt reports that the various business types on the trip will then officially be tourists. Lucky them.

TAXING TIMES FOR CAM

Back at home, Dave is in hot water over his charities’ tax. As we’ve splashed, charities fear large donors will walk away if they can’t write off their tax. The heads of Unicef, the National Theatre and even the head of a charity Dave endorsed as the epitome Big Society project are in uproar.

Cameron can ill afford to find himself on the wrong side of the sector that was supposed to be one of the chief drivers of his Big Society. Cameron will have to justify why an attack on tax avoidance has been set so widely as to hit those who give to charities with no ulterior motive.

The way the crackdown has been organised makes it appear that those who give are somehow suspect. If the result is a substantial falling off of donations, George Osborne and the PM will get the blame.

TAX RETURN

But Dave is at least making an effort to make his Cabinet’s tax affairs look clean. We report that , in agreement with George Osborne, he says he’s “very relaxed” about publishing his tax returns and that “the time is coming” for politicians to be more open about their personal finances.

But might that come back to bite the PM too? He has accepted the principle but it’s obvious the details have not been thought through. Transparency about tax is not the same as transparency about wealth.

Having opened the conversation, Mr Cameron and the Chancellor will have to follow it to its natural conclusion: tax, but also trusts, inheritances – past and future, property etc. They will have to account for their wealth in full.

And so will other ministers. The suggestion around this morning that it might apply just to ‘senior’ ministers won’t last either.

SNOOP DOG EAT DOG

In other news from Japan, Dave vented his anger at Nick’s change of heart on his snooping plans, saying that he and Chris Huhne had sat in on the Cabinet committees which backed them. Dave appealed for patience: “I think when people see the detail they will understand this is a very sensible way of keeping up with technology and not a snoopers’ charter.”

Team Clegg hit back saying: “The Deputy Prime Minister agreed at the NSC [National Security Council] that the government would look at proposals to address the police’s technological gap to deal with serious criminals and terrorists. But he also made clear that they could only proceed if they took into account and protected civil liberties.”

So in short, Nick says that when Dave thought he had signed up to the proposals, he hadn’t. Our full report is here. The Mail is firmly on Nick’s side – they ask if the PM is being delusional (they’ve also republished Anthony King’s brutal column from the FT yesterday). Meanwhile, the red tops have come up with a couple of cute headlines: “ Snoop dog eat dog” in the Sun and “Snoop dog-fight” in the Mirror. More please.

EUROZONE DOOM

You didn’t think it had gone away, did you? Perhaps it’s because there’s not much else to focus on, but anyway, as Larry Elliot begins his Guardian column, “it’s back”, after the markets suddenly started selling Spanish debt yesterday.

The FT has splashed on the story. Yesterday Spanish bond yields climbed above 6 per cent for the first time since the European Central Bank began flooding the system with liquidity last year. This morning, the sell off is continuing on Asian markets as the fears continue…

As Elliot says: “Those who said the European Central Bank was merely putting a large piece of sticking plaster on monetary union’s open wound with its cheap credit policy have been proved right”.

Yep. So what’s the solution? In the FT (£), Martin Wolf calls for European governments to realise that “competitiveness is necessarily relative”. That may take some time. One thing is clear: Spanish PM Mariano Rajoy’s decision to allow Spain to miss its deficit targets didn’t work out so well. Will he still be in a job next month?

CLEGG’S LEAN AND GREEN

While Dave is jet-setting around the world, Nick has been left at home to tackle climate change. As we report, in a speech this morning, the Deputy PM will announce that he has reached an agreement with the energy companies to help cut customers energy bills. The idea is that they will write to their customers once a year to tell them if there is a cheaper tariff available.

Speaking in Canary Wharf, Mr Clegg will say: “We are undergoing a profound transformation within our economy. And for the first time ever our economic and environmental mantras are exactly the same: waste not, want not.”

Good stuff, Nick. But it does seem a little gimmicky – will this really cut costs for hard-pressed consumers? We shouldn’t let this distract from the many green taxes that Nick is insisting should be levied – as the Daily Mail reminds us this morning, there’s still the row over the proposed green homes plan.

SQUEEZED FOREVER

Speaking of squeezed consumers, my column today is on how we’re going to be paying higher taxes forever, thanks to the sheer size of the debt and deficit and the cost of demographic pressure in the future.

The conclusion must be that with more and more people liable for it, 40p is the new standard rate, and 45p the new top rate. In other words, Mr Osborne has reset the tax system to keep more money coming in for years to come.

HAMZAT AND HE’S OUT

There’s a lot of comment around about the ECHR decision to actually allow Abu Hamza et al to be extradited to the US (“See you later, Britain hater” is the Sun’s excellent splash headline).

We’ve published a leader on the topic here - as we say, while in this case, the ECHR made the right decision, it is still in need of reform: “In recent years, the ECHR has become more associated with perverse judgments that give undue weight to the rights of those accused of criminal or terrorist activity.”

The Daily Mail agrees with us about reform – indeed they seem to reckon that the court’s judges only decided to allow the extradition out of fear of Conservative MPs: “there’s a whiff of low political expediency about this rare burst of common sense from Strasbourg.”

The Guardian meanwhile mocks the Sun – and its gang of Tory MPs – for prejudging the outcome: “it ought to shame the Sun and Mr Heaton-Harris for their populist prejudices – admittedly an unlikely possibility”.

Unsurprisingly, the Independen t is with the Guardi an: “ The undeniable evidence that ECHR decisions are no foregone conclusion in favour of petitioners helps restore confidence in the court’s authority.”

MILIBAND UNDER FIRE

Bad news for the Labour Party: its MPs aren’t that pleased at being told not to stand for mayoral positions in case they set off by-elections. Gisela Stuart, the bolshy MP for Birmingham Edgbaston, says that her “old-fashioned, backwards-looking party” is trying to restrict the contests. That went well then Ed… The Times has more on the story here.

TRANSPARENCY BEGINS AT HOME

And transparency continues in Parliament too. The Guardian has a story on the money flooding into politics through its All Party Parliamentary Groups (APPG). More than 300 of these groups have received funding or support from the outside groups.

These include 27 trips to foreign countries, donations exceeding £30,000, “contributions” for membership at £8,400 a time and even free membership for MPs and Lords to the Weight Watchers APPG. In exchange, lots of invaluable Parliamentary passes have been issued.

These days, it seems, nothing is beyond scrutiny – MPs are going to have to start cutting down their reliance on this sort of support soon.

POLL WATCH

Latest YouGov/Sun poll – all parties holding yesterday’s ground: Conservatives 36%, Labour 40%, Liberal Democrats 9%

TWEETS AND TWITS

Yesterday, in the Times (£), James Dyson argued that Britain needed to export more of its intellectual property if it wants to flourish in the global economy. Labour MP Kerry McCarthy got on board with the idea, informing her 3,954 followers that:

“@KerryMP: The Postman Pat feature film will be made by a Jordanian animation company. There’s also a thriving gaming industry. Good opps for UK links.”

I suppose we have to start somewhere.

TOP COMMENT

In The Telegraph

Benedict Brogan: Osborne is stuck on a great tax escalator – and it’s only going up

Leader: The Strasbourg court is still in need of reform

Charles Crawford: Language skills are being lost in translation

Andrew Haldenby: The NUT and other teaching trade unions show their true colours

Best of the rest

Tim Montgomerie in the Times (£): David Cameron ignores UKIP at his peril

Mary Dejevsky in the Independent: Tax avoidance – it’s not what you earn that counts, it’s what you pay

Richard Norton-Taylor in the Guardian: Abu Hamza extradition ruling should be a wake-up call to the legal system

Gabby Hinsliff in the Guardian: A conservatory tax is only the start of the conversation

THE AGENDA

9.30am: Ed Miliband and Ken Livingstone launch Labour’s mayoral manifesto in Greenwich – this evening, Ken Livingstone will screen his first Party Election Broadcast.

Today: David Cameron visits Indonesia.

Today: Nick Clegg makes a speech about the green economy in Canary Wharf.

Today: William Hague attends the G8 Foreign ministers meeting in Washington.

Today: Eric Pickles announces that England’s enterprise zones will be operational.

3.00pm: Cornish MPs host a Cornish Pasty VAT summit at Lowin House, Truro, Cornwall (seriously).

6.15pm: The Evening Standard hosts a London mayoral debate at the Emmanuel Centre, 9-23 Marsham Street. Speakers include Boris Johnson, Ken Livingstone, Liberal Democrat Brian Paddick and Jenny Jones for the Greens.

And Death Shall Have No Dominion

And death shall have no dominion. Dead mean naked they shall be one With the man in the wind and the west moon; When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone, They shall have stars at elbow and foot; Though they go mad they shall be sane, Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again; Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion. Under the windings of the sea They lying long shall not die windily; Twisting on racks when sinews give way, Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break; Faith in their hands shall snap in two, And the unicorn evils run them through; Split all ends up they shan’t crack; And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion. No more may gulls cry at their ears Or waves break loud on the seashores; Where blew a flower may a flower no more Lift its head to the blows of the rain; Though they be mad and dead as nails, Heads of the characters hammer through daisies; Break in the sun till the sun breaks down, And death shall have no dominion.

Dylan Thomas (1914 – 1953)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Virgin white – four little maidens of the night

Oh! I am tired my feet ache, I think these high heels are torture. Mind you they’re not as bad as the way men stink.

God itches and it burns. Now it bleeds when I pee but I have to smile when the stinking men do things to me.

See my sister she is barely twelve I have had to teach her how to dip and delve. It makes me sick what I have had to show her to do but she needs to do it right or she will get beaten black blue.

Read more….