Rent For Apartment

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500.

He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary

write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.

So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam :

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I took the lease, I was under the impression that;

1) it had never been occupied;

2) that there was plenty of heat; and

3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.

As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please don’t blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

 

Ear Infection (Mark 2)

(They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There’s nothing worse than a doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.)

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The receptionist said, “Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”  

He replied, “There’s something wrong with my dick.”

The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong, and I told you.”

The receptionist replied, “Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”

“You shouldn’t ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone,” the man said.

Then he walked out and waited several minutes before re-entering, to find a different receptionist behind the desk.

The receptionist smiled and said, “Yes?”

“There’s something wrong with my ear.”

“And what is wrong with your ear, sir?”

“I can’t remove the condom and need an urgent pee.”

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

The Government should stand up to the rent-a-mob campaign against unpaid work experience

Gosh, how it all comes rushing back. The accounts we publish today of the organised activists who co-ordinate those “spontaneous” protests against the Government’s work experience programme, are something of a sentimental journey for this column. Yes, reader, that was my youth. All those evenings spent sitting on floors in north London, being exhorted to show solidarity with the miners/teachers/local council direct labour forces in their struggle against cuts/closures/privatisation… and always at the end of every International Socialists’ meeting (that’s what the Socialist Workers’ Party was called back then), there was the list of demonstrations at which we were expected to appear.

There were “comrades who needed our support” in Hackney or Haringey or Tower Hamlets. Transport could be arranged for those who needed it from pre-arranged points where we were to convene at the appointed time. Printed placards were distributed from the boot of a car upon arrival – Stop the cuts! Low pay, no way! And today they are still at it, in almost identical terms. The SWP officially admits that it “initiated” the Right to Work campaign – ie, set up a front group – in order to “create

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Workfare provides a ladder of hope, from despair to dignity

In a forthright speech last Thursday, David Cameron declared his irritation with “anti-business snobbery”, and asked why it was that if you “put a young person into college for a month’s learning, unpaid… it’s hailed as a good thing”, whereas if you “put a young person into a supermarket for a month’s learning, unpaid… it’s slammed as slave labour.” Well: why, indeed?

Warming to his theme, the PM claimed that business was “the most powerful force for social progress the world has ever known”. This was stretching it a bit, I felt. Wilberforce, Pankhurst, Fleming, Gandhi, Beveridge, Mandela, the Dalai Lama: none of them, as far as I’m aware, went to Harvard Business School, or even amassed enough points for the British Airways Executive Club. But Cameron exaggerated pardonably to make a good point about capitalism and social responsibility. It’s a shame that, in the very same week, business was behaving so spinelessly in the row over workfare.

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Debt crisis: Chancellor George Osborne rules out new Eurozone bailout

Speaking as finance ministers meet in Mexico for the G20 summit, the Chancellor said extra funds would not be handed over until countries who use the struggling single currency commit resources themselves.

In an interview with Sky News, Mr Osborne said: “We are prepared to consider IMF resources but only once we see colour of eurozone money and we have not seen this.

“While at this G20 conference there are a lot of things to discuss, I don’t think you’re going to see any extra resources committed here because eurozone countries have not committed additional resources themselves, and I think that quid pro quo will be clearly established here in Mexico City.”

The Chancellor also refused to reveal if he would be increasing the personal tax allowance to £10,000 at next month’s Budget.

“Any tax cut would have to be paid for … what we are not going to do in the Budget is borrow any more money to either increase spending or cut taxes,” Mr Osborne said.

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Afghan violence: suspected driver on run

Several hundred Nato advisers and scores of their British counterparts last night remained withdrawn from their posts in Afghan ministries in the wake of the killings over fears other foreigners could be targeted.

The shootings on Saturday afternoon deepened what is already one of the most serious crises of the decade-long Afghan campaign as the country continued to be buffeted by anti-Western protests after the alleged desecration of Korans on an American airbase.

On a sixth day of violent protest, grenades were thrown at an American outpost in Kunduz province, police officials said, wounding six American soldiers.

The Afghan death toll from the nationwide protest now stands at least 30, with more than two hundred wounded.

Two American soldiers were also killed on Thursday, when an Afghan colleague apparently joined protestors and turned his weapon on foreign troops as their base was besieged during a demonstration.

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